Worst of the Weekend: The Miami Heat

What a painful, winless weekend for the Super Friends of South Beach.

From ESPN Stats and Information:

One day after blowing a 24-point lead in a loss to the Orlando Magic, the Miami Heat were again embarrassed, this time in San Antonio. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and company lost 125-95 to the Spurs on Friday. It's the Heat's worst loss of the season and the second-most points they've allowed. The Spurs set a franchise record with 17 3-pointers en route to their 22nd straight home win.

Miami falls to 1-8 this season against the Bulls, Celtics, Lakers, Mavericks and Spurs. That one win came against the Lakers on Christmas Day, but there have been no presents since then against the league's top teams and the schedule doesn't get easier. The Heat play their next eight games against teams currently above .500.

The Heat entered the game with a 43-18 record. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, it's the first time in almost two years that a team that many games over .500 lost a game by 30 or more points. Cleveland beat the [Kevin Garnett-less] Celtics by 31 points on April 12, 2009. Boston entered the game with a 60-19 record.

Also from ESPN Stats and Information:

If you watched SportsCenter, you probably heard the stat -- the Heat are now 1-for-18 this season in the final 10 seconds of regulation when trailing by three points or fewer. But that's not the only troublesome number to come out of this game.

The Bulls completely took away Miami’s isolation offense, holding the Heat to 1-for-7 shooting on plays where a potential shooter is isolated against his defender. The Heat typically score 13 points per game on such plays, according to video review, but the Bulls held them to just three points on Sunday.

And although Chris Bosh was 9-for-14 from the field, he struggled again against Joakim Noah. Bosh was 3-for-8 from the field when Noah was the primary defender against him. In the last two games against the Bulls, Bosh is 4-for-14 when Noah is guarding him.

One other nugget related to the Heat's 1-for-18 in "crunch time." James' former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, may not be having the best season, but they are 5-for-11 in similar situations in 2010-11.

And now the quotes:

Chris Bosh:

"When you put your heart and your soul, your blood, your sweat, your tears into something and you want something so bad and it just slips from you by one point, two points, three points, 30 points, just to come up short again and again, it hurts."

Dwyane Wade:

"Outside, the Miami Heat are exactly what everyone wanted, losing games. The world is better now since the Heat is losing."

LeBron James:

"I told my team, I'm not going to continue to fail late in games. I put a lot of blame on myself tonight. I told the guys that I just keep failing them late in games and I won't continue to do that."

Yeah, well, what about that "potential game-winning shot," LeBron? I mean, a running, left-handed, contested layup attempt flung over a seven-footer?

"I had a step on Joakim and I knew he was going to try to use his length to block the shot. I've made plenty of left-hand layups over bigs before."

I guess that makes it all okay then. But what about D-Wade? I mean, this was his team, right? Why are his crunch-time touches coming from offensive rebounds instead of plays featuring his number? What do you think, Dwyane?

"I'm used to coming down in the fourth, having the ball, making mistakes, getting a chance to make up for them, etc. You try to do your best. That's all you can do. That was one of the things we got to understand when we all decided to come together. That there were going to be sacrifices that have to be made. And you live with the consequences."

Interpret that as you will.

Heat coach Erik Spoelstra:

"This is painful for every single one of us to go through this, there are couple of guys crying in the locker room right now, it is not a matter of want."

Crying? Crying?!

Okay. The crying thing may be true. And, honestly, it's not as shameful as some people are making it out to be. But you don't out your players for weeping because of a loss. Not after a regular season game in March. I think coach 'Spo knows that. Or he should have known it. I get what he was trying to show how much his players care about winning. But what he actually did was emasculate and embarrass them in from of the world.

From the Palm Beach Post Heat Zone blog:

Oh, that's not good. Players didn't seem thrilled that Spoelstra said this, especially when reporters began probing to learn the identities of the weepy. I understand what Spoelstra was trying to do, but it will just come off that his team is soft. For the record, Chris Bosh said he was close but didn't cry, and Dwyane Wade (who was more emotional than usual) took umbrage to the question.

From Rick Morrissey of the Chicago Sun-Times:

After a loss to the Bulls on Sunday, Miami coach Erik Spoelstra said "a couple of guys" were crying in the locker room.

For his sake, I hope it was the Big Three of the trainer, the ballboy and the physical therapist. If Spoelstra has players crying after a game in early March, I can't imagine what he’s going to encounter in the locker room when the Bulls beat the Heat in the playoffs.

Actually, yes, I can. It will look like an audience that just finished watching "The Notebook."

There is nothing wrong with crying. Speaker of the House John Boehner is an inveterate crier. People cry on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" all the time.

But NBA players after a loss in March? Really?

If so, the Bulls can cross the Heat off their to-do list. Now, if they can only figure out what activates the Celtics’ sprinkler system.

Now, in the interest of fairness, Rod Benson provides some much-needed perspective to the "crying" thing. A player's perspective.

These guys care. They care a lot, actually. Yes, they care what people think. They care that their legacies are on the line. They care about the city of Miami. They care about the NBA. They even care about you, their haters. How do I know they care? Because I know how much you have to care to cry after a loss.

Let's look at this as if The Decision had never happened, shall we? Three superstars are willing to each give up a part of their stardom, and give up a part of their money, in order to try to win a championship. This is pretty high on the basketball sacrifice scale. Then they have to each change their games and learn how to play with one another, taking a huge gamble in the process, in order to take their games to the next level. Each of them will have to do things they've never done before.

They took a risk and now, they're actually kind of successful. A contender? Not for me to call, but certainly not a group of bumbling idiots trying to learn to cope with themselves like the cast of "The Wizard of Oz."

LeBron James has to get courage, Dwyane Wade a brain, and Chris Bosh some heart? And this crying, especially by Bosh, is supposed to show that they're too weak for the task? All of this because they lost four games in a row?

Think about it like this: Jay Cutler showed no emotion when he was forced to sit out and watch his team lose in the NFC Championship. People chastised him for not caring. So why do the flip the script and treat these grown men like little girls for doing the opposite? Take your pick: either it's just a game, a job, a business, and it's devoid of emotion, or it's something more. It's something like love. When it's great, nothing can make you happier, and when it's bad nothing can be worse in the world. Don't you wish every athlete had that? There are a lot of guys who will never have it. Some of them are the best players on your favorite team right now. Sorry to break it to you. You have to at least give it to the Heat for that.

Whatever the case, something's wrong. After 63 games, the Heat are 43-20. Last year, the Cavaliers were 49-14 after 63 games. Back then, LeBron was teamed up with a bunch of bums, right? The team's failures weren't his fault. They were the fault of management for not supplying a better supporting cast. They were the fault of his teammates for not being good enough. Now he's got an MVP-level teammate and another All-Star getting his back.

So if the Cavaliers failed because LeBron didn't have better teammates -- specifically a secondary scorer to take the pressure off of him -- what's his excuse this time? Basketball's statocracy tell us King Crab is the best basketball player in the world. The numbers don't lie. They can't lie.

Why, then, can't the Heat beat good teams? Why can't they close games?

I don't feel entirely comfortable making player comparisons. But I imagine Larry Bird or Michael Jordan in similar circumstances. Sitting in the locker room in steely-eyed silence. Teammates avoiding their raptor-like gaze. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm suffering recall bias, but I don't remember K.C. Jones or Pat Riley ever say that the Celtics or Lakers were weeping after a big loss that wasn't a playoff elimination. I do remember Bird calling his teammates sissies and hearing that post-loss practices were so intense they bordered on hostile.

Machismo is overrated. It really is. But if you had to bet your chips on a team to come back from losing, would you bet on the team that gets pissed off and looks like they want to kill somebody (maybe even each other), or the team that's moping around, whining about the world being against them, and maybe crying? That's not a judgement. I'm asking an honest question.

Like A Bosh: Nationally Televised Single-Double Watch

Superstar material right there.

On our very first Worst Of The Night this season, commenter Lord Kerrance had this to say about the Boshmallow's personal hubris upon his successful attachment to the "Heatles" -

From the Toronto Star:

"Really, it’s all about being on TV at the end of the day," the five-time all-star said Tuesday. "Seriously. A guy can average 20 and 10, and nobody really cares. If you don’t see it (on U.S. national TV), then it doesn’t really happen."

Glad to know that nationally televised double-single counts. Looking forward to many more.

I replied...

I think we HAVE to do a CB4 Nationally Televised Double-Single Tracker now.

Everyone with me? :D :D

Despite encouragement by The Other Chris, Lord Kerrance worried about a stat curse from our preemptive smackdown of the 7th most important member of the South Beach triumverate...but we needn't have fretted.

It turns out that he indeed was setting the tone for a mist of mediocrity, one which can now be quantified!

---

Listed below are CB's nationally televised games (whether in the US or Canada) and the critical statline for this elite pillow forward - whether he earned double-digits in one category or less, or not.

10/26
Heat-Celtics (TNT)
Not a single double - he did go a mere 3-11 from the field though!

10/29
Magic-Heat (ESPN)
10 boards, 11 points - double-double

11/11
Celtics-Heat (TNT)
15 points - single-double!!!!!!!!!!

11/13
Craptors-Heat (TSN - nationally televised in Canada LOL)
12 points - single-double!

11/17
Suns-Heat (ESPN)
35 points!...and nothing else. Single-double.

11/24
Heat-Magic (ESPN)
21 points - single-double!

12/2
Heat-Cadavers (TNT)
15 points - single-double

12/10
Heat-Warriors (ESPN)
16 points - single-double

12/17
Heat-Knicks (ESPN)
26 points - single-double

12/23
Heat-Suns (TNT)
23 points AND 11 boards - double-double

12/25
Heat-Lakers (ABC)
10 assists, 27 points - double-double

1/13
Heat-Nuggets (TNT)
24 points - single-double

1/15
Heat-Bulls (WGN)
17 points, but 11 bricks - negatory double-double

1/30
Heat-Thunder (ABC)
20 points - single-double!

2/3
Heat-Magic (TNT)
13 points - single-double

2/13
Heat-Celtics (ABC)
10 boards, 24 points - double-double

2/16
Heat-Craptors (TSN2 - nationally televised in Canada!)
25 points - single-double

2/24
Heat-Bulls (TNT)
11 bricks - single-double!!!!

2/27
Knicks-Heat (ESPN)
12 boards, 20 points - double-double

3/3

Magic-Heat (TNT)
13 points - single-double

Final Conclusion

Like a Bosh, 13 single-doubles and one less-than-single double performance (out of 20 nationally televised games) CAN'T be wrong, can they? And with one of his double-doubles resulting from having 11 bricks, this means that 70% of his nationally televised performances are middling-or-worse.

Maybe there was something to the idea that he played better rollerskating in obscurity on a bad team...just maybe.

Worst of the Night: March 3, 2011

Cue up the Bonnie Tyler...the Heat are holding out for a hero!
The Miami cHeat: The cHeat led 30-22 after 12 minutes. They were up 63-45 at halftime. Their lead reached 24 points with 8:57 left in the third quarter.

Game over. Right?

Wrong. A thousand times wrong. The funny thing is, even as I was watching it, the lead felt like an aberration. In that overpowering first half, Dwyane Wade and LeBron James combined for 47 points. That's right: They outscored the Magic by themselves. And you wanna talk about smokin' hot? Those guys were 18-for-21 from the field and 11-for-11 from the line. When you've got to MVP-caliber players converting 86 percent of their field goals and 100 percent of their foul shots...that's just crazy.

It's also an outlier.

'Cause, see, it's not like D-Wade and LeBron were running a layup drill. They were shooting dead-eye from the outside. In the first quarter, Wade hit back-to-back jumpers from 21 and 15 feet. Later in the quarter, 'Bron drilled a 15-footer while being fouled by J.J. Redick (he went on to convert the three-point play from the line). A little more than a minute later, James hit again from 15 feet. With eight ticks left in the first, LeBron knocked down a 21-foot jump shot.

This trend continued in the second quarter. One minute and eight seconds in, Wade connected from 20 feet. A minute and five seconds later, he hit from 20 again while being fouled by Redick (and, like LeBron, he converted the ensuing freebie). Then, 24 seconds later (after Hedo Turkoglue missed from 21 and Ryan Anderson failed to convert a tip in), Dwyane hit a shorter (eight feet) jump shot while being fouled by Redick again (it wasn't J.J.'s day). Wade finished off the three-point play from the charity stripe.

Wade wasn't done. With 6:39 left in the half, he drilled a 16-footer. On Miami's next possession, LeBron hit a 20-footer on an assist from Wade. Then, one possession later, James nailed a 22-foot jumper. Less than a minute and a half later, LeBron connected on yet another jump shot from 15 feet out. Next cHeat possession, James hit a 17-footer. Finally, with 24 seconds left in the second quarter, D-Wade hit from 20 feet.

Okay, let's get something straight: Wade and James are incredible players. But, for all the amazing things they can do, they are not dead-eye outside shooters. Opposing teams want to force them to shoot from the outside. It sure beats giving up layups or being forced to foul them. See, that's when Dwyane and LeBron are at their most dangerous. But, despite the huge and seemingly insurmountable deficit, the Magic actually succeeded. They turned the Dynamic Duo into jump shooters. Unfortunately for Orlando, Wade and James were both red hot from the outside at the same time.

Well, Pookie and King Crab regressed to the mean in the second half, combining for 10 points on 3-for-13 from the field and 4-for-8 from the line. We're talking some serious cool down here. Four minutes into the second half, Wade bricked two freebies in a row. A few minutes later, one possession after LeBron had thrown the ball away, Dywane bricked a jumper. Speaking of LeBron throwing the ball away, here's the rather hilarious way that happened:


On Miami's next possession, Dwight Howard blocked LeBron's jump shot. However, Miami recovered the ball, and LeBron went on to hit a 22-footer. That said, James missed from 15 on the next possession.

Fast forwarding to the fourth, Wade missed from 12 feet and, three possessions later, LeBron checked back in from a short rest and missed from 25 feet. Next possession, another missed jumper for Wade. A few minute later, Wade missed a 26-foot three-point attempt. With 46 seconds left in the game, Dwyane missed from only four feet away. LeBron closed out the game by clanging a potential game-tying three-point attempt off the front iron.

So, from the point at which the cHeat took that 24-point lead to the final buzzer, Orlando outscored Miami 50-23. That included a 40-9 run.

Said Magic coach Stan Van Gundy: "Well, that defies explanation."

Added Dwyane Wade: "Mindboggling."

It was the second-largest comeback in Orlando franchise history. Their only bigger comeback came from 25 points down to the Cavaliers in 1989.

The funny thing is...this isn't even a one-time thing. When the cHeat played in Orlando last month, the Magic came back from a 23-point deficit in the final seven and a half minutes before missing a potential game-tying shot in the final seconds.

According to the AP recap, there have been only six games this season in which a team has led by at least 22 points and lost. The cHeat are responsible for two of those losses -- the other coming against the Jazz back on November 9 -- and both were in Miami.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau: "Only one other NBA team has lost a game after leading by 24-or-more points this season. That was the Detroit Pistons, who blew a 25-point lead in a 120-116 loss to the Raptors on December 11."

According to ESPN Stats and Information: "Miami continues to demonstrate a stunning inability to defeat good teams. Against the Spurs, Celtics, Mavericks, Bulls and Lakers -- the top 5 teams this season in terms of win percentage -- the Heat are a dismal 1-7. They've split 4 games with the Magic. And in games decided by 5 points or fewer, the Heat are 5-12. That yields a win percentage of .294, tying them with Philadelphia (also 5-12) for second-lowest in the league in such games, ahead of only Minnesota (4-12, .250)."

Said Chris Boshmallow (5-for-15 with four blocks against): "We've blown a lot of games where we were in full control. And we have to do something."

What's more, the cHeat are now 12-16 against teams that are currently above .500.

Said Wade: "The urgency is there. Just got to finish it. We enjoy these games. We play them hard. ... It's growing pains and it sucks. You're looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and maybe [in the playoffs] we'll look back on it and say, 'Oh, that's what it was for.'"

Added James: "We continue to get big leads and we continue to falter. Hopefully we can figure it out soon."

Or...hopefully not.

Anyway, games like this are what make the "LeBron for MVP" campaign kinda funny. His box score (29 points, 11-for-16, 7-for-7 from the line, 6 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 blocked shots) will boost his Player Efficiency Rating and make the stat geeks drool all over themselves. Unfortunately, his advanced stats won't reflect the way he disappeared in the second half as his team was choking away a monster lead, not to mention his clunker of a wide open three that would have forced overtime.

And let's not forget that whole "5-12 in games decided by 5 points or fewer." Which brings me to this...

Evil Ted, quote machine: "How can a team with Dwyane Wade manage to not utilize Dwyane Wade in crunch time?"

That's an excellent question.

ET's answer: "LeBron James."

Chris Boshmallow: He wanted to be on TV. He wanted this. Now, not only does he get to be Ringo, his failures are being nationally televised right and left. Last week, the world got to watch his epic flop after the dreaded Carlos Boozer airbow in the middle of his even epic-er 1-for-18 shooting performance in Miami's loss to the Bulls. This week, we got to watch his testicles shrivel against another Eastern Conference power. Again: 5-for-15, four of his shots got stuffed, and he took a pass from LeBron in the face. Even The Onion is mocking him.

And now he's so very sad.


Wait. Was Bosh...crying?!


Thanks to Basketbawful reader stephanie g. for the link and pic. Vid from AnacondaHL.

Update! One more goodie from kazam92:


Reggile Miller, quote machine, Part 1: From Basketbawful reader Erik: "I like the ball and man movement."

Reggie Miller, quote machine, Part 2: From Basketbawful reader Aaron: "Eric Damiper playing HUGE for the Miami Heat."

Jazz Bear says: Only you can prevent forest fires looking like a douchebag.
The Utah Jazz: You can bet that, when TNT scheduled this game, they sure didn't expect Carmelo Anthony and Deron Williams to both be playing in different cities. And you can also bet they probably wanted to take a mulligan on this one before tipoff. That said, it was actually an exciting game. You know why?


Unfortunately for Utah fans, the Jazz may have played a little too hard. To wit: The Nuggets attempted 25 foul shots...in the fourth quarter. By contrast, the Jazz attempted 12 freebies for the game.

Did I mention Utah was the home team?

And yet, the Jazz still had a chance to pull this one out. Devin Harris nailed a triple to cut Denver's lead to 103-101 with 1.2 seconds to play. And then...

Kenyon Martin: In what may have been the worst last-second inbounds play since Isiah Thomas helped cement Larry's Legend, K-Mart basically handed the ball to Andrei Kirilenko. Mind you, Kirilenko's fast thinking and freakishly long arms helped, but Kenyon wasn't thinking on this one. Literally.

Said Martin: "My brain stopped working."

Fortunately for the Nuggets...

Andrei Kirilenko: ...the Russian Rifle misfired. Big time. I'm talking an airball from directly underneath the basket.

But it wasn't his fault!

Said Kirilenko: "[Martin's] hand was on the ball. It wasn't a foul but I didn't really get the ball and I tried to finish without it."

The Denver Nuggets: Remember how I said the Nuggets shot 25 free throws in the fourth quarter? Well, they hit only 15 of them. Still, they held on to win, giving them five victories in six games since 'Melo went buh-bye. Which is more than we can say for:

The Utah Jazz: Utah has dropped four of the five games they've played since exiling D-Will to New Jersey. Even worse, the Jazz have fallen two games behind Memphis for the eighth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference. And, yes, even worser, Utah has lost seven straight at home...their worst home fail streak since 1982.

Chris's Amazing One-Line Lacktion Ledger: Zydrunas Ilgauskas piggybacked a board in 4:08 with two bricks and two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Bawful After Dark: February 3, 2011

I know it's only Darko, but still, you really should wait until after the play to high five your teammates
Scott Carefoot posted a fantastic new stat over at The Basketball Jones: the Triple-Zero (or as he also called it on Twitter, the "Trip-Zip"). It's pretty simple: 0 points, 0 rebounds, and 0 assists, with the catch being that it must happen in a minimum of 20 minutes of playing time. This feat has occurred only 31 times since 1986, and unsurprisingly, members of the Miami Heat not named LeBron, D-Wade, or Chris Bosh are masters of this. Joel Anthony had two in the month of January alone. I'm impressed, or disgusted. Not sure which.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

This guy beat the Cadavers. Any more questions about how bawful they are this year?

Any stray passes or loose balls would just bounce harmlessly off Justin Bieber's hair. Unfortunately.

Birdman swoops down and hovers over his prey

Another Portland injury??? Nooooooooooooooo

Hand in the face? Done and done!

Nationally Televised Games:
Heat at Magic, TNT, 8pm: LeBron's still upset with the Magic for questioning his competitiveness after last year's playoffs. I look forward to seeing LeBron put up 38 jump shots tonight in response.

Spurs at Lakers, TNT, 10:30pm: The Rodeo Road Trip rolls on with a visit to the Staples Center. Could be an interesting game...

All The Other Games:
Bucks at Warriors, 10:30pm: Pro tip: When Corey Maggette is your best healthy player, you are not likely to win many games. Milwaukee fans, you would be better off watching this movie instead, whatever it is.


Greatest action movie ever, or greatest anything ever?

Worst of the Night: January 18, 2011

Coach 'Spo considers all possible variations of the play where (as stephani g. put it) LeBron dribbles for 20 seconds and launches a 35-foot brick.
The Chicago Bulls: Let's look at the facts.

The Bulls were playing the second night of back-to-backs and their fourth game in five nights...which started after a stretch of five games in seven nights. Chicago is without their second-best and third-best players (Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah). Derrick Rose, Luol Deng and Taj Gibson all logged 40+ minutes the night before. Thanks to all the frontcourt injuries, poor Deng is averaging 40 MPG in January and 39+ on the season.

And did I mention that Kurt Thomas (ancient) and Keith Bogan (awful) are currently starting for this team?

Under the circumstances, last night's homecourt flameout was actually fairly predictable. Minus Boozer, the Bulls couldn't get anything going inside and couldn't protect the paint, hence Charlotte's 65 percent conversion rate at the rim (15-for-23) and 46-28 scoring advantage in the paint. Mind you, on the season, the Bobcats rank 25th in FGP at the rim (59.8).

The Bulls looked tired and were a step slow all night. They shot poorly (39 percent as a team) and couldn't take care of the ball (14 turnovers in a slow, low-possession game). What's more, Chicago gave up 25 points off turnovers, which accounted for 30 percent of the 83 points the Bobcats scored.

Some of the turnovers were just plain stupid. Guys leaving their feet and then passing with nowhere to go, or driving baseline and trying to deliver a pass through heavy traffic. Ugly stuff.

Said Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau: "You can't turn the ball over against this team. If you do, you put them in the open floor and they score easily. We created our own problems."

Outside of D-Rose (14-for-28) and Ronnie Brewer (6-for-11), the Bulls couldn't have lobbed a beach ball into the ocean.

Luol Deng went 2-for-11. Taj Gibson was 2-for-7. Kurt Thomas shot 2-for-6. Keith Bogans had his usual 1-for-3 performance. Kyle Korver, C.J. Watson and Omer Asik were a combined 3-for-11. Mind you, two of their clutch-time shots were 1) a three-pointer by Deng, who to that point was 2-for-10, and 2) a layup attempt by Kyle Korver, who was standing underneath the rim at the time (and his shot was, not surprisingly, swatted out of bounds by Tyrus Thomas).

And don't even get me started on the idiotic "and 1!" fouls the Bulls committed or the way they let 15 seconds run off the clock while down a point with 25 seconds left and Charlotte in possession of the basketball. You know what, just go read the Top 10 Things I Hated About This Game.

Charlotte's three-point shooting: From Elias Sports Bureau via ESPN Stats and Information: "From Elias: The Bobcats took 13 3-point FG attempts, and MADE ZERO. They are just the 4th team in NBA history to take at least 13 3-point field goal attempts, miss all of them, and still go on to win the game. They are only the 2nd team to accomplish the feat on the road."

Tyrus Thomas: Huh. I guess this is why he shoots so many jump shots...


Officiating: Here's one of the worst back-to-back officiating sequences you're likely to see any time soon: D.J. Augustine travels on a breakaway layup in full view of a referee who's no more than 10 feet from him and then Derrick Rose gets called for an offensive foul that couldn't have been more non-existent if it had been named "The Easter Bunny's Pet Unicorn."


By the way, check this out, from the AP game notes: "Former Bulls forward Charles Oakley is one of Silas' assistants. He amused himself during the first half by grabbing the shorts of Chicago's Taj Gibson on an inbounds play and holding on when Gibson tried to run down the court."

I'm pretty sure that's not legal. Nothing got called, tho'.

The Miami cHeat: It's official: The cHeat will not win 70 games.

I would like to thank them, however, for reaching this point with half a season to go. That way we don't have to deal with all the suspense.

What led to Miami's fourth straight loss? A brick festival by King Crab and Pookie.

From ESPN Stats and Information:

Playing without Chris Bosh for the first time this season, Dwyane Wade and LeBron James combined to go 19-of-50 from the floor in the Miami Heat's 93-89 overtime home loss to the Atlanta Hawks. The 50 field goal attempts are the most that Wade and James have combined to take in a game this season.

James took a season-high 30 field goal attempts, but shot just 36.7 percent from the floor. It was the 26th time in his career that James attempted 30 field goals in a game; however, it was the third-worst shooting percentage of his career in a game in which he took at least 30 shots.

Without Bosh on the floor, James also hoisted a season-high 10 three-point field goals, connecting on just two. This season when Bosh is on the court, James has made 40.2 percent of his three-pointers, and just 29.9 percent when Bosh is not on the floor.

The Heat also missed Bosh in their half-court offense. Miami had been shooting a respectable 44.7 percent from the floor (including 49.3 percent by Bosh), but against the Hawks on Tuesday they shot just 34.8 percent (24-69).

So there you have it: The cHeat can't win without Bosh. Who knew?

In all seriousness, we all knew the supporting cast was a problem. The three starters not named "Wade" or "James" combined for 2 points. Joel Anthony grabbed 16 rebounds but went scoreless in 43 minutes. Eddie House (12 points) and Mario Chalmers (10 points) scored in double figures off Miami's bench, but Mike Miller and Erick Dampier -- supposedly key pickups for the Heat -- both laid goose eggs.

In all, the Heat shot 36 percent as a team and gave up 25 points off 16 turnovers. And how's this for weird: Despite having two of the league's greatest players teaming up, the Heat are now 1-7 in games decided by five points or fewer. And they're 0-2 in overtime when playing at home.

Weird, huh?

Equally puzzling was LeBron's decision -- despite being icy cold -- to chuck up trey from 28 feet out at the end of regulation. Really? LeBron and D-Wade on the floor and that's the best shot the Heat could get in a tie game at home?

Oh, but 'Bron wasn't done. With the cHeat down 91-89 with seven seconds left in overtime, James again hoisted from 28 feet away from the rim. Brick. And, essentially, game over. Of course, LeBron had hit a three on Miami's previous possession. So he was hot, right?

Said James: "I had a week off and that is what happens sometimes. We had everything going and when you have a few injuries it takes the chemistry out, it takes the rhythm out of a team."

So, uh, why take all the threes, then?

Bob Rathbun, unintentionally dirty quote machine: From the Hawks broadcaster, as supplied by Basketbawful reader StottsEra: "Atlanta back doors them to death and it's a stuff for Josh Smith!"

The LeBrons: At a time when LeBron's popularity has never been lower...he and his people decide to release a Web-based cartoon starring his four alter-egos. Yeah. That should work.


This is where I bring up ProStars, a failed Saturday morning cartoon (back when kids watched cartoons on Saturday morning) that starred Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson and Wayne Gretzky at the height of their popularity. If a cartoon with Michael Jordan rescuing children from burning buildings with the help of his rocket shoes didn't make it, The LeBrons don't have a chance.

ProStars! Show staaaars!
Rashad McCants' post-NBA career: Are you ready for this? Probably not, but here goes anyway: McCants is co-producing a new Web series in which he acts alongside former underage porn star Traci Lords as...the bisexual, cross-dressing leader of a shoplifting ring. No, I am not making any of those words up, and I'm kind of hurt that you thought I was.

All I can say is: It's gonna get real muthafuckin' mythological in this muthafuckin' piece. Believe dat. As beautifully stated in the trailer. Which is NSFW. Consider yourself warned.


Update! Amar''''''e Stoudemire, quote machine: The Wisdom of Sun Tzu (via AnacondaHL): "Ladies keep them legs close, an them books open. I'm telling yall this because I care. We have to become a smarter generation."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Hawks-El (Oh El) Heat: Josh Powell pushed away a block in 3:21 with one turnover for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while Jordan Crawford went all-air once from the Georgia-Pacific Tower to earn a +1 in 2:16.

For Miami's currently-freezing basketball squad, Erick Dampier took a rejection and tossed one brick in 4:40 for a +2.

Bobcats-Bulls: Matt Carroll had two seconds to ruminate over Laikatu's cloud in a Super Mario!

Worst of the Night: January 13, 2011

Pretty much sums it up, don't you think?
The Washington Wizards Generals: The Generals opened the night 0-18 on the road. But hey, they were playing the Timberwolves, right? Even the Associated Press described Minnesota's Target Center as "the arena where losing streaks come to die." What's more, the T-Wolves had lost five in a row and Michael Beasley, Minny's biggest scoring threat, was out with a sprained ankle.

That had to mean "Winning Time" for Washington...didn't it?

Nah. After all, Beasley's absence was evened out by the fact that Andray Blatche missed the game with a sprained right shoulder. On top of that, the Generals got too much love. Too much Kevin Love, that is. Love finished with 35 points and 11 rebounds while going 13-for-18 from the field and 5-for-6 from three-point range.

Speaking of Love, the dude leads the league in rebounding and just cracked the Top 10 in Three-Point Percentage. And he's a double-double machine. According to ESPN Stats and Information, this was Kevin's 26th straight double-double. What's more, he's only the fifth player over the last 25 seasons to have a double-double in at least 26 straight games.

The funny thing is, a lot of commenters on this site have been getting really excited about Blake Griffin's double-doubles while kind of scoffing at Love's. I'm sure that has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Blake is making highlight reels while Kevin looks like he should be making moonshine in the backwoods of Kentucky.

Anyway, Washington actually had a four-point lead with just under six minutes to play...then got outscored 19-3 the rest of the way to lose 109-97. Love scored eight of those 19 points, including a couple ball-busting triples.

Said Generals coach Flip Saunders: "We expected Love to be a handful. We thought he had a chance to beat us. He basically beat us from the 3-point line."

Added Al Thornton: "This is a team we should beat. We just didn't close it out."

There you have it. When a team is 0-19 on the road, they should never, ever have the "this is a team we should beat" attitude. As Yoda would say...that is why you fail.

Said John Wall: "It's embarrassing. that we're the only team left that hasn't won on the road."

Bonus stat: Washington gave up 24 points off 18 turnovers.

Darko Milicic: His double-double (14 points and 11 boards) doesn't change the fact that he scored two points for the other team. A tip 'o the hat to Basketbawful winnetou for the video link.


Kurt Rambis, coach of the year candidate: "It seems like those games, that we've had where everyone's contributed and had a pretty decent game scoring wise, we seem to win the ballgame."

The Orlando Magic: Talk about stat curses.

First, Kevin Pelton of Basketball Prospectus described how amazing Orlando's offense has been since their blockbuster trade. Then ESPN's Tom Haberstroh proclaimed that this year's Magic squad is significantly better than the team that made it to the NBA Finals in 2009.

And just like that, Orlando immediately lost back-to-back games. On Wednesday night, their otherworldly offense utterly failed them in a 92-89 overtime loss to the Hornets. That's right: The Magic couldn't even break 90 points in a 53-minute game.

Last night, Orlando bounced back by scoring 124 points as Dwight Howard went all "God Mode" on the Thunder: 39 points, 18 rebounds, 11-for-19 from the field and 17-for-20 at the free throw line. You read that correctly. I said 17-for-20 at the charity stripe. As Basketbawful reader The Other Chris put it: "Dwight Howard went 17-20 from the line, what the f**k? Mommy I'm scared, is the apocalypse imminent?"

Unfortunately, the Magic's defense -- currently ranked 4th in Defensive Rating -- took the night off to watch Chuck reruns. To wit: The Thunder finished with 125 points on 56.4 percent shooting. Oklahoma City also went 7-for-14 from downtown and earned 37 free throw attempts.

And if you want to talk advanced stats, the Thunder established crazy high marks in Effective Field Goal Percentage (60.9), Offensive Rebound Percentage (34.4), Free Throws Per Field Goal Attempt (38.5) and Offensive Rating (137.4).

Compare those numbers to the league averages of 49.7, 26.2, 23.4 and 106.6. Now compare those to what the Magic's defense usually holds opponents to: 48.2, 22.3, 22.2, and 102.0.

Said Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy: "We just couldn't stop them at all, but particularly Durant and Westbrook. They're great players, they average 50 between them, but we gave them 68. Last night, it was our offense was awful and tonight we couldn't stop them at all. Obviously, our defense was bad, but we're just playing out of a hole every night. I don't like that trend. Whether we have to make changes in that lineup or something, but those guys -- we're just always in a hole now and that's not good."

Speaking of trends, did anybody take a close look at that nine-game winning streak that had Pelton and Haberstroh (and lots of other people) drooling in admiration? It started with a genuinely impressive homecourt win over the Spurs. It then continued with another home victory over the Celtics on Christmas day when Boston's offense (78 points and an Offensive Rating of 85.7) struggled mightily without Rajon Rondo (although it's worth noting that the Celts led most of the game before getting outscored 29-15 in the fourth quarter).

Then the Magic racked up victories over the Nets (10-28) and Cavaliers (8-30) before holding off the Knicks at home. Then they beat the Warriors (15-23), Bucks (14-22) and Rockets (17-22) in Orlando before downing the Dirk Nowitzki-less Mavericks in Dallas. And you'll note that the Mavs have gone 2-6 during Dirk's eight-game absence.

Look, the winning streak was impressive, and the wins over San Antonio and New York were legit. But the rest of the wins probably need to be put in context. Seven of those nine wins were against sub-.500 ball clubs or significantly weakened teams (Boston and Dallas). And even the wins over the Spurs and Knicks were in Orlando, and we all know how important homecourt advantage is.

So, you know, let's not crown the Magic just yet.

By the way, Basketbawful reader Ilkka sent in this image after the Magic lost to the Hornets. Mmm...Magic Steak...


Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: From the AP recap:

There's a belief among some in the NBA that the Skirvin Hilton, where the
Magic stayed, is haunted. "What haunts me are guys like Kevin Durant," Van Gundy
said. "So, I would say this building is haunted because of guys like him, as are
most of the buildings in the NBA. I haven't run into a haunted hotel, just
haunted arenas."

The Miami cHeat: With LeBron James sitting out because karma's a bitch due to a sprained left ankle, the cHeat suffered their worst loss of the season, a 130-102 drubbing by the Nuggets. Those are the most points Miami has allowed all season, by the way.

We all saw this loss coming, right? After all, James was out, Bosh and Wade both logged 40 minutes in the previous night's loss to the Clippers, and teams usually curl up in a ball and die when playing in Denver on the second night of back-to-backs. In fact, TNT flashed a stat that said the Nuggets are something like 46-9 in the Pepsi Center when their opponent is playing for the second night in a row.

Here are some numbers. Seven Nuggets scored in double figures. J.R. Smith scored a game-high 28 points and drilled a season-best eight three-pointers. Denver shot 53.3 percent from the field and hit nearly 50 percent of their threes (15-for-31). They outscored the cHeat 14-5 in transition and 50-34 in the paint.

That last number may be the most important. The Nuggets set the tone early on by getting whatever they wanted around the rim. Miami couldn't have made the paint more inviting if they'd filled it with feather pillows and stuffed animals. Once Denver got it going inside, that opened things up for their shooters. And, well, that was that.

Ultimately, I don't think this loss means all that much, given the circumstances. Well, other than (as Wild Yams pointed out) officially protecting the '96 Bulls 72-10 record from the cHeat and proving Jeff Van Gundy probably should have held off on the crazy predictions.

So instead, I'm going to address something that's been causing a little chatter, namely Henry Abbott's "defense" of LeBron James. From TrueHoop:

Say James did something specific that pissed you off. Say he didn't play where you wanted him to play. Say you thought the TV show was too much. Say he shouldn't refer to himself in the third person. Say you're disappointed or hurt. Who can argue any of that?

But that's not where the majority of James rhetoric lives. It goes far beyond that, with the normal position being to imply that you, NBA fan, has the information, the final word, on the totality of the man ... the whole complicated person ... and you know he's bad.

Every single person who has never met LeBron James, but "knows" he's bad ... well, that's somebody coloring way outside the lines. The public profile of this man does not nearly add up to that.

I have a blog with the word "true" in the title, and we live in a moment when the biggest story in the NBA -- the unchecked villainy of LeBron James -- is not true, or is at the very least unproven. So I am going go keep writing about that. Go back and read, though. My radical point is not to that he's tremendous. It's to ask: How do you know he's so bad? What evidence do you have? And if you don't have good evidence, can we just tone it down a little?

I get where Henry's coming from, and it reminds me of what Friedrich Nietzsche said in On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense (1873):

What does man actually know about himself? Is he, indeed, ever able to perceive himself completely, as if laid out in a lighted display case? Does nature not conceal most things from him - even concerning his own body - in order to confine and lock him within a proud, deceptive consciousness, aloof from the coils of the bowels, the rapid flow of the blood stream, and the intricate quivering of the fibers! She threw away the key.

This was going to lead into another Nietzsche quote. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the one I was thinking about, but (and I'm paraphrasing) it says something to the effect that "since we can't know ourselves completely, we can't possibly know someone else."

So from that standpoint, Abbott is correct. We can't prove LeBron is the NBA version of Dr. Evil. After all, James doesn't hold his pinky to his mouth when he laughs, and he certainly didn't spend five years in Evil Medical School. We don't know him and we'll never know him. If you believe Nietzsche, LeBron's friends and family will never really know him, and LeBron will never fully know himself...no matter how many times he refers to himself in the third person.

And yet, in the final analysis, if Henry is really committed to truth, he should understand that personal truths are and always will be subjective. Hey, according to some accounts, Adolph Hitler was devoutly religious. Moreover, he had a wife, and close friends, and millions of people who believed in him and his causes. It's horrible. But it's true.

In this world, "right" and "wrong" are not concrete, provable things. They are mostly about what you believe in. And, for good or ill, people have the right to decide whether they like or dislike other people based on observation, their internal code of ethics, and their personal biases.

After LeBron made his already-infamous "karma's a bitch" tweet, I said he was an asshole. Now, is his asshole-ness "provable" in the sense Abbott was talking about? Probably not. Last time I checked, science hasn't yet devised a way to quantify how much of an asshole somebody is or isn't. Damn you, science.

But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to observe and consider LeBron's behavior to determine whether he meets my own personal criteria for what an asshole is. And, not that I feel the need to justify my stance, I'm not only referring to the tweeting, the backtracking, or The Decision. Just go through the Basketbawful archives and you'll find years and years of words and actions that illustrate behavior I personally don't care for. Talking in the third person. The whole "I wanna be a global icon" thing. Refusing to shake hands in defeat and then justifying it by saying (in essence) that winners don't show sportsmanship. The Crab Dribble. The way his foot always seems to end up in his mouth.

I could go on and on, but, in my opinion, LeBron's behavior -- and I'm talking about what he says and does off the court -- is arrogant and narcissistic. And in the end, opinion is all we ever have to go on when judging the merits of human behavior. I have the right to make up my mind about whether or not I like LeBron the Man. And guess what? It has nothing to do with what I think about LeBron the Basketball Player. It's not like I'm denying his greatness on the court. I'm simply saying that, based on what I've observed over the last eight years or so, LeBron isn't somebody I'd want to be buddies with.

People make these decisions all the time. I bet there's somebody you don't like at work, and that dislike (or "absence of liking" if you will) is probably based only on what you know about them as a co-worker. You don't know what they're like at home or when they're out with their friends. You didn't grow up with them, go to high school with them, or attend college with them. Under those circumstances, they might have become your bestest friend ever. But as things stand...you just don't like 'em.

That's life. We set boundaries and draw lines in the sand all the time. Of course, there must be reasonable limits. Just because we don't like somebody doesn't give us the right to be abusive or violent -- in either words or actions -- toward them. Nor should it mean we refuse other people the right to like the people we don't. Just because I think LeBron James is a douchebag doesn't mean I would deny others the right to love and adore him if that's want they want. It may make me throw up in my own mouth, but I wouldn't blame them for it.

In truth, we'll never know everything that makes a person what they are. Nonetheless, it is each person's right to choose whether they like or dislike someone based on what we do know. And that's the truth.

Brandon Roy's knees: Roy will have arthroscopic surgery on both of his knees next week. Those poor knees. The Curse of the Frail Blazers continues...

Chris's Lacktion Report: Cartier Martin discovered the ledger yet again after tossing a brick from the Mary Tyler Moore statue for a +1 in 1:51. Minnesota's Nikola Pekovic provided two boards and a field goal in 10:06, only to foul and lose the rock thricely each for a 6:4 Voskuhl.

Worst of the Night: December 20, 2010

Yeah, watching your team shoot 35% will do that to you
[Editor's note: Dan B. filling in today while Bawful takes care of some more important stuff. Consider this just a Worst of the Worst of the Night highlights post, but hey, it's still more effort than you got from the Magic last night!

The Orlando Magic: Well, so much for getting off to a running start. The Magic trotted out a brand new roster featuring Gilbert Arenas, Jason Richardson, and Hedo Turkoglu -- all of whom never even got to practice with the team before their first game -- against Atlanta last night, but it didn't matter. Seventh loss in eight games.

Things were ugly right from the start, with the Dirty Birds holding the Magic to a season low 14 points in the first quarter on a woeful 25% shooting effort. Remember, these are the same Dirty Birds that let a Celtics team giving Luke Harangody meaningful minutes drop 53% shooting on them just a few nights ago. Uh oh.

Beyond that, this was a game-long exercise in futility. The Magic also managed to toss up a variety of bricks for the entire first eight minutes of the fourth quarter, not hitting a single field goal in that entire stretch. The final total for the game was a 35.2% shooting percentage, including a 23.5% effort from downtown. The Magic were less effective than the Putty Patrol in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

The worst offender was Gilbert Arenas, coming off the bench for a 2-for-11 effort from the field. It's like Vince Carter never left! In fact, it's not like very much changed. The gameplan still revolved around relying on Dwight Howard doing his thing in the paint, and everyone else throwing up long-range jumpshots.

Speaking of the Pumaman, Dwight Howard did have a fairly solid outing, with 19 points and 20 rebounds. Though to be fair, with that many bonked jumpers, there were enough available rebounds that the Ben Wallace Inflatable Defender would have gotten four or five boards. Also looking at just the offensive boards, Brandon Bass grabbed one offensive rebound to Pumaman's five, but that doesn't sound too bad compared to the rest of the team. Those were the only two Magic players to grab ANY offensive rebounds.

Al Horford, reality check machine: "They have the same kind of team. They're shooters. They're the same team but with different players."

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: "Look, they're out there trying hard, just none of them played well. Nobody could shoot the ball. ... I'm sure they had a lot of emotions and stuff going on. It was a long night."

The Miami Heat: And boom goes the winning streak.

SAD FACE
This was a game of runs. Both teams struggled back-and-forth through shooting woes. For example, the Heat had one trip down the floor that lasted 52 seconds and consisted of eight shots before Mario Chalmers drained a three pointer. Mike Miller started the possession with a defensive rebound, and managed to get two more offensive rebounds before it ended.

Dang.
But in the end, Dirk Nowitzki continued to do Dirk-like things and put down a 26 point line to help the Mavs win their 14th consecutive regular season game against the Heat. So much for a revenge game.

Dirk may have gone 0-for-5 in the final dozen minutes of the game, but the Heat let Jason Terry go into beast mode in the fourth quarter, with Terry scoring all 19 of his points in an 11 minute stretch of dominance. As noted in the AP recap:

Terry has spoken often about how losing to Miami in the 2006 NBA finals still upsets him.

So while shooting at the East end of the court -- the one over which the Heat championship banner softly sways -- he put on a fourth-quarter show.

So maybe we did get a revenge game out of this after all. Not quite what I had planned, but I'll take it.

Jason Terry, quote machine: (After Rick Carlisle joked at halftime that a then-scoreless Terry was "still at the hotel) "I told him I thought the bus was at 8:45, 9:00. But thanks for coming back and getting me."

LeBron James: Lebron played only a dozen first half minutes thanks to foul trouble. And during that time, he put up as many points as Yi Jianlian's chair -- zero. Yes, he came back for a 19 point effort in the second half, but that's still downright bawful for the self-proclaimed Chosen One. He only outscored Mario friggin' Chalmers by 6.

As noted by an anonymous commenter last night:

"The problem is that Wade is a weak outside shooter, Lebron is a weak outside shooter, Bosh tends not to shoot from outside 18 feet (except when the game is almost over), if Z isn't in the game, their center position is an offensive non-entity. 1 shooter is always on the court.So this leaves 4 guys to cover the same area of paint. Lebron tries to bull rush his way in and suddenly there are 2 guys waiting for him. So he takes a jumper and (more often than not) clanks it."

Also, as very succintly noted by stephanie g,

Miami's problem in a nutshell: bigs can't post, smalls can't shoot.

And this pretty well sums it up. LeBron's lack of post moves limit him to shooting long twos or driving the lane, but when everybody's just standing around and nobody's commanding close coverage behind the arc, LeBron doesn't really have room to drive to the hoop, and the result is a mid-range jumper clanking off the side of the rim from any of the five guys on the court.

No Ring King perhaps said it best in the comments this morning:

Asking LeBron to post up is like asking Vince Carter to be aggressive or Andray Blatche to stop thinking he's a point guard. It makes complete sense and everyone else in the world can see it, but it's never going to happen.

NBA.com, stat curse machine: As noted by Preveen in BAD comments,

I call major statcurse. Quote: "16 -- Uh-oh. Maybe they are good. The Heat just have to finish up 52-1 to still break the Bulls' record of 72 wins. Who's gonna beat them?"

Dammit!

Don't lose hope! Now they just need to finish 52-0! They can still do it!!

ESPN's headline writers: As noted by Karc in BAD comments,

Stupid headline from ESPN: "Dirk, Mavs conspire to snap Heat's streak at 12."

Conspire, really? A 22-4 team needed some sort of advanced trickery to beat a team they already beat on the road weeks before? A team with 8 losses against good teams winning one on the road against a good team was supposed to happen, I guess.

Seriously, Jason Terry lit up the Heat in the 4th. Can't that be the headline. You know, something clever like "JET blows by/burns the Heat." But no, ESPN's chosen wang-sucking team needed a good team to CONSPIRE to beat them.
(Eh, my bad, Miami was the home team. But I stand by the rest of my stuff.)

Come on, now. Of course the Mavs "conspired" to beat the Heat. Those jobbers went against the NBA's script! Don't worry, I'm sure Stern will, ahem, take care of things shortly.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Jazz-Cavs: Francisco Elson found that two boards and one field goal made in 11:32 do not stand in the way of a ledger spot - not when you get 5 fouls for a 5:4 Voskuhl. Fellow bebopper Ronnie Price bricked once from the Terminal Tower in 5:04 and also lost the rock for a +2 suck differential.

For Cleveland, Jamario Moon eclipsed his teammates by bricking twice and fouling once in 7:11 for a +3. Manny Harris and Samardo Samuels (despite a board by the latter) each spent 38 seconds head-to-head on their rectangular gray gamepads as MARIO BROTHERS!

Bobcats-Generals: Nazr Mohammed went 50% from the field...only to litter his 9:44 with four fouls, a rejection, and a turnover for a 5:4 Voskuhl. Also earning a ratio was DeSagana Diop, dropping three fouls and two giveaways in 17:23 against one field goal and two boards for the same 5:4 as Mohammed.

Washington's Hilton Armstrong checked into the Watergate Hotel with four fouls and a giveaway (despite 100% from the stripe in two tries, and two boards) in 12:50 to be the third player with a 5:4.

Suns-Spurs: Ime Udoka united with Toad and Yoshi in 16 seconds for a Mario.

Bucks-Frail Blazers: Armon Johnson hammered out a foul in 3:10 for a +1.

Wolves-Clippers: Darko Milicic was manna tonight for Minnesota - if one feeds off of appearances in the lacktion report, as despite a block in 4:43 as starting big man, he fouled twice for a 2:0 Voskuhl. Sebastian Telfair blasted out a brick and rejection in 2:57 for a +2.

Belated Weekend Lacktion Report:
Friday:

Cavs-Pacers: Ryan Hollins had an amazing 129 seconds of fail - one brick, one rejection, one turnover AND two fouls for a +5 suck differential and a 3:0 Voskuhl!

Heat-Knicks: Joel Anthony went 100% from the field (in one shot in 20:23) and also had two boards, only to foul four times and lose the rock once for a 5:4 Voskuhl. Celebrating as well were Eddie House with one turnover in 4:11 for a +1, and Jamaal Magloire, who in 2:56 gave up the rock twice and foul once for a +3 that also netted a 3:0 Voskuhl.

For New York, Ronny Turiaf treated himself to one rebound in 4:01, but also turned out to be in possession of one foul and one giveaway for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Bobcats-Hawks: Matt Carroll walked into a lacktion wonderland after a foul in 3:26 for a +1, while Zaza Pachulia came within 2 fouls of earning himself some wealth, only to end up with a +2 in 2:12 that also notched a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Clippers-Pistons: Jarron Collins jaunted into the underground floor of a dark castle for 57 seconds to earn a Mario.

Jazz-Hornets: David Andersen tossed a brick in 3:09 and added one foul for a +2 that notched a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Purple Paupers-Thunder: Royal Ivey can now re-upholster his throne with the finest gold after collecting a celebratory 1.8 trillion (1:48)!

Grizzlies-Rockets: Brad Miller scrappily had an assist and block in 12:22, only to brick thricely (twice from the stripe) and foul three times too for a 3:0 Voskuhl. Patrick Patterson clutchly fouled once in 3:08 for a +1.

Suns-Mavs: Brian Cardinal clearly had the same insider tips that Mark Cuban had, as evidenced by a 2 trillion (2:01) capital gain!

Wolves-Frail Blazers: Nikola Pekovic pounced on pesos with a 2 trillion (2:01), while for the infirmary by the Willamette, Joel Przybilla provided a +2 in 8:29 via foul and giveaway also worthy of a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Saturday:

Sixers-Magic: Spencer Hawes had himself one successful shot (out of 7) in 25:46 as starting center for Philadelphia...only to lose the rock twice and foul out for a 8:4 Voskuhl.

Heat-Generals: Lots of Wii access in Washington as Eddie House celebrated with a castle rescue mission for 7 seconds for a Super Mario, while Alonzo Gee gathered up toadstools in 33 seconds for a regular Mario.

Clippers-Bulls: Jarron Collins claimed one foul in 3:33 for a +1 and a Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Chicago's Kurt Thomas tenderly took down a trio of boards and a field goal and free throw in 16:14...only to foul out and lose the rock once for a 7:6 Voskuhl.

Jazz-Bucks: Ronnie Price is right after a 5 trillion (5:02) for the beboppers, accompanied by a 45-second riff in Mario Paint from Kyrylo Fesenko. Despite one made shot, Jon Brockman gave the Bucks 27 seconds under the scope of a laughing dog for a Mario.

Grizzlies-Spurs: Hasheem "The 2nd Overall Dream" Thabeet took one foul in 2:10 for a +1 and a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Tiago Splitter divided his statline between positive (two assists) and negative (1 foul) in 8:07 for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl of his own.

Wolves-Nuggets: Melvin Ely made one board in 2:39, but negated it with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Sunday:

Pacers-Celtics: Avery Bradley played the game of lacktion life tonight by bricking thricely (twice from the stripe) in 5:32 for a +3.

Von Wafer continues to collect enough for a round trip on the Masachussetts Turnpike after a 1.55 trillion (1:33).

Hawks-Nyets: Zaza Pachulia couldn't hold on to the rock tiwce and fouled once in 2:26 for a +3 and a 3:0 Voskuhl, while for New Jersey, Johan Petro countered a perfect shooting percentage (on one shot) in 3:01 and a board with three fouls and a giveaway for a 4:3 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Pistons: Quincy Pondexter pointed at one foul in 4:07 for a +1, while David Andersen can account for his finances after an exact 2.2 trillion (2:12).

Suns-Thunder: Serge Ibaka slotted himself in Oklahoma City's starting big man spot, earning 11:26 of hardwood time...in which he bricked twice and also fouled and lost the rock once each for a +4 that doubled as a 2:0 Voskuhl.