Worst of the Weekend: The Miami Heat

What a painful, winless weekend for the Super Friends of South Beach.

From ESPN Stats and Information:

One day after blowing a 24-point lead in a loss to the Orlando Magic, the Miami Heat were again embarrassed, this time in San Antonio. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and company lost 125-95 to the Spurs on Friday. It's the Heat's worst loss of the season and the second-most points they've allowed. The Spurs set a franchise record with 17 3-pointers en route to their 22nd straight home win.

Miami falls to 1-8 this season against the Bulls, Celtics, Lakers, Mavericks and Spurs. That one win came against the Lakers on Christmas Day, but there have been no presents since then against the league's top teams and the schedule doesn't get easier. The Heat play their next eight games against teams currently above .500.

The Heat entered the game with a 43-18 record. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, it's the first time in almost two years that a team that many games over .500 lost a game by 30 or more points. Cleveland beat the [Kevin Garnett-less] Celtics by 31 points on April 12, 2009. Boston entered the game with a 60-19 record.

Also from ESPN Stats and Information:

If you watched SportsCenter, you probably heard the stat -- the Heat are now 1-for-18 this season in the final 10 seconds of regulation when trailing by three points or fewer. But that's not the only troublesome number to come out of this game.

The Bulls completely took away Miami’s isolation offense, holding the Heat to 1-for-7 shooting on plays where a potential shooter is isolated against his defender. The Heat typically score 13 points per game on such plays, according to video review, but the Bulls held them to just three points on Sunday.

And although Chris Bosh was 9-for-14 from the field, he struggled again against Joakim Noah. Bosh was 3-for-8 from the field when Noah was the primary defender against him. In the last two games against the Bulls, Bosh is 4-for-14 when Noah is guarding him.

One other nugget related to the Heat's 1-for-18 in "crunch time." James' former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, may not be having the best season, but they are 5-for-11 in similar situations in 2010-11.

And now the quotes:

Chris Bosh:

"When you put your heart and your soul, your blood, your sweat, your tears into something and you want something so bad and it just slips from you by one point, two points, three points, 30 points, just to come up short again and again, it hurts."

Dwyane Wade:

"Outside, the Miami Heat are exactly what everyone wanted, losing games. The world is better now since the Heat is losing."

LeBron James:

"I told my team, I'm not going to continue to fail late in games. I put a lot of blame on myself tonight. I told the guys that I just keep failing them late in games and I won't continue to do that."

Yeah, well, what about that "potential game-winning shot," LeBron? I mean, a running, left-handed, contested layup attempt flung over a seven-footer?

"I had a step on Joakim and I knew he was going to try to use his length to block the shot. I've made plenty of left-hand layups over bigs before."

I guess that makes it all okay then. But what about D-Wade? I mean, this was his team, right? Why are his crunch-time touches coming from offensive rebounds instead of plays featuring his number? What do you think, Dwyane?

"I'm used to coming down in the fourth, having the ball, making mistakes, getting a chance to make up for them, etc. You try to do your best. That's all you can do. That was one of the things we got to understand when we all decided to come together. That there were going to be sacrifices that have to be made. And you live with the consequences."

Interpret that as you will.

Heat coach Erik Spoelstra:

"This is painful for every single one of us to go through this, there are couple of guys crying in the locker room right now, it is not a matter of want."

Crying? Crying?!

Okay. The crying thing may be true. And, honestly, it's not as shameful as some people are making it out to be. But you don't out your players for weeping because of a loss. Not after a regular season game in March. I think coach 'Spo knows that. Or he should have known it. I get what he was trying to show how much his players care about winning. But what he actually did was emasculate and embarrass them in from of the world.

From the Palm Beach Post Heat Zone blog:

Oh, that's not good. Players didn't seem thrilled that Spoelstra said this, especially when reporters began probing to learn the identities of the weepy. I understand what Spoelstra was trying to do, but it will just come off that his team is soft. For the record, Chris Bosh said he was close but didn't cry, and Dwyane Wade (who was more emotional than usual) took umbrage to the question.

From Rick Morrissey of the Chicago Sun-Times:

After a loss to the Bulls on Sunday, Miami coach Erik Spoelstra said "a couple of guys" were crying in the locker room.

For his sake, I hope it was the Big Three of the trainer, the ballboy and the physical therapist. If Spoelstra has players crying after a game in early March, I can't imagine what he’s going to encounter in the locker room when the Bulls beat the Heat in the playoffs.

Actually, yes, I can. It will look like an audience that just finished watching "The Notebook."

There is nothing wrong with crying. Speaker of the House John Boehner is an inveterate crier. People cry on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" all the time.

But NBA players after a loss in March? Really?

If so, the Bulls can cross the Heat off their to-do list. Now, if they can only figure out what activates the Celtics’ sprinkler system.

Now, in the interest of fairness, Rod Benson provides some much-needed perspective to the "crying" thing. A player's perspective.

These guys care. They care a lot, actually. Yes, they care what people think. They care that their legacies are on the line. They care about the city of Miami. They care about the NBA. They even care about you, their haters. How do I know they care? Because I know how much you have to care to cry after a loss.

Let's look at this as if The Decision had never happened, shall we? Three superstars are willing to each give up a part of their stardom, and give up a part of their money, in order to try to win a championship. This is pretty high on the basketball sacrifice scale. Then they have to each change their games and learn how to play with one another, taking a huge gamble in the process, in order to take their games to the next level. Each of them will have to do things they've never done before.

They took a risk and now, they're actually kind of successful. A contender? Not for me to call, but certainly not a group of bumbling idiots trying to learn to cope with themselves like the cast of "The Wizard of Oz."

LeBron James has to get courage, Dwyane Wade a brain, and Chris Bosh some heart? And this crying, especially by Bosh, is supposed to show that they're too weak for the task? All of this because they lost four games in a row?

Think about it like this: Jay Cutler showed no emotion when he was forced to sit out and watch his team lose in the NFC Championship. People chastised him for not caring. So why do the flip the script and treat these grown men like little girls for doing the opposite? Take your pick: either it's just a game, a job, a business, and it's devoid of emotion, or it's something more. It's something like love. When it's great, nothing can make you happier, and when it's bad nothing can be worse in the world. Don't you wish every athlete had that? There are a lot of guys who will never have it. Some of them are the best players on your favorite team right now. Sorry to break it to you. You have to at least give it to the Heat for that.

Whatever the case, something's wrong. After 63 games, the Heat are 43-20. Last year, the Cavaliers were 49-14 after 63 games. Back then, LeBron was teamed up with a bunch of bums, right? The team's failures weren't his fault. They were the fault of management for not supplying a better supporting cast. They were the fault of his teammates for not being good enough. Now he's got an MVP-level teammate and another All-Star getting his back.

So if the Cavaliers failed because LeBron didn't have better teammates -- specifically a secondary scorer to take the pressure off of him -- what's his excuse this time? Basketball's statocracy tell us King Crab is the best basketball player in the world. The numbers don't lie. They can't lie.

Why, then, can't the Heat beat good teams? Why can't they close games?

I don't feel entirely comfortable making player comparisons. But I imagine Larry Bird or Michael Jordan in similar circumstances. Sitting in the locker room in steely-eyed silence. Teammates avoiding their raptor-like gaze. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm suffering recall bias, but I don't remember K.C. Jones or Pat Riley ever say that the Celtics or Lakers were weeping after a big loss that wasn't a playoff elimination. I do remember Bird calling his teammates sissies and hearing that post-loss practices were so intense they bordered on hostile.

Machismo is overrated. It really is. But if you had to bet your chips on a team to come back from losing, would you bet on the team that gets pissed off and looks like they want to kill somebody (maybe even each other), or the team that's moping around, whining about the world being against them, and maybe crying? That's not a judgement. I'm asking an honest question.

The Worst of the Worst of the Weekend

For one magical night, it was like LeBron never left.Thanks, of course, to the Los Angeles Clippers.
The Los Angeles Clippers: It figures. It just freaking figures. The only dark power greater (lesser?) than Cleveland's record-shattering 26-game losing streak was the Clippers.

And not just any Clippers team, mind you, but one coached by the Notorious VDN.

We should have seen it coming. Should have known it was going to happen. I mean, this is the Clippers we're talking about.

The ultimate (and most fitting) moment of bawful came when J.J. Hickson appeared to goaltend a potential game-winner by Baron Davis at the end of regulation.


Said Blake Griffin: "I can't say what I think about all those things. That was unbelievable. Throughout the whole game, it was just unbelievable. That was the worst home-court advantage I've ever seen. There's such a thing as home-court advantage, but that was unbelievable."

Added Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro: "I thought it was goaltending. They [the officials] didn't think it was. They can't review it because it wasn't a call that was made. I'll have to look at the film. I couldn't see from that angle. It looked like it got on the glass, but I'm guessing."

Be that as it may, the Clippers let the Cadavers keep things close, which had nothing to do with the refs. If you don't want the outcome of the game to come down to a single, last-second call (or non-call), then just win it outright.

Baron Davis knows what I'm sayin': "Gotta give it up. They played well. They won. For a team that lost 26 games in a row, they came out, they wanted to win and they played like it. I'm not saying we didn't. They made big plays at the end. We didn't."

You want a true sign of pure bawfulness? According to ESPN Stats and Information: "The Clippers managed an unusual statistical quirk in that every player who played in the game had a negative plus/minus rating. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, they're the only team in the past 10 years to lose an overtime game and have every player who played post a negative plus/minus rating."

As for the Cadavers, they celebrated like a group of men who had just been let out of prison. And it probably felt that way...if only because nobody on the team has ever spent time in a real prison.

And, also according to EPSN Stats and Information, one streak has ended, but several others remain: "They’ve dropped 26 consecutive road games, 16 straight games to teams with winning records and 13 straight games to Eastern Conference opponents."

Aw, hell. I guess we should just let these guys feel good for a night.

Said Cleveland coach Byron Scott: "They're in there jumping around and having a good time. I told them to enjoy it but let's not take a big breath and think OK we got a win, great. We have to think that we are supposed to win games. ... It's great. We finally got the monkey off our back. But I expect our guys to play this hard every single night. If we do that, we'll be OK."

And who knows? Maybe they will be...

The Cleveland Cadavers: ...or not. Because on Sunday night, the Washington Wizards Generals showed up in Cleveland with their 0-25 road record. And they left Cleveland 1-25.

The Generals shot 54.3 percent. The Cadavers missed 12 free throws, committed 17 turnovers and trailed by as many as 25.

Said Scott: "I'm still trying to figure them out because to me that was ridiculous. I hope they don't have any excuses. Just tell the truth. There has to be a sense of urgency every single night. ... It's disappointing. Playing hard should not be a skill. It's your job. If we don't give ourselves a chance by coming out and playing with a sense of urgency then we have no shot of winning games."

Unless you play the Clippers.

John Wall: Thanks to Wall, the Generals got a taste of defeat even in victory.


The Los Angeles Clippers (Again): The Toronto Craptors had lost 16 of their last 17 games. But, then again, they were playing the team that had just let the Cadavers snap the longest losing streak in NBA history.

Ah, the Clippers.

The Other L.A. Team has lost six of seven games and they're 4-20 on the road. That ties them with the Minnesota Timberwolves for the fewest road wins in the West.

Said Del Negro: "Everyone talks about these other teams. We aren't exactly road warriors here."

The Toronto Muffins: Basketbawful reader mikemobility sent me a link to a sentence I never thought I'd read: "Due to legal implications we cannot specifically mention the name of Toronto's basketball team...so TeamBuy decided to replace it with the word 'Muffin.'"

Saying I'm speechless really does not justice to the amount of speech I am less of.

The Utah Jazz: Finally freed of Jerry Sloan's oppressive offensive system, Deron Williams had big numbers (19 points, 14 assists, 8 rebounds) and the Jazz were held to 83 points at home...by the Phoenix Suns.

I guess everything really did work out for the best.

The Jazz, who scored 27 points in the second half, have now dropped 11 of their last 15 games.

Said D-Will: "Maybe I feel a little more pressure now. Do I care what the fans think of me? Yeah, I'd be lying if I didn't. I don't want them to think I ran a Hall of Fame coach out. But I can't get caught up in that anymore. ... They can choose who they want to believe."

The San Antonio Spurs: Somewhat lost in the overall bawful of the Clippers/Cadavers was the fact that the San Antonio "best record in the league" Spurs shot a season-low 33 percent and managed only 71 points in a loss to the Sixers. Mind you, the Spurs rank 6th in PPG (103.6), 4th in FGP (47.3) and 3rd in Offensive Rating (111.3).

Said San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich: "I think it set offensive basketball back a decade or so."

FWIW, with Sloan out of the league, I think Pops is my new favorite coach.

The New York Knicks: Their 113-96 home loss to the Lakers was the perfect bookend to a down streak that began with a 109-87 road loss to the Lakers back on January 9. During this stretch, the Knicks have gone 5-12 and come crashing back down to .500 (although they snuck back over .500 with a win over the Nyets on Sunday).

Said Stoudemire: "We've got to get back on the right track, we've got to get our confidence back up, got to play solid basketball, doing the little things on the court with energy and with swagger. We haven't quite had our swagger for the past 2 1/2 weeks, so we've got to get back to what we're used to doing and what we did well to start the year."

Mike D'Antoni and Raymond Felton, quote machines: On his team's loss to the Lakers: "I thought Kobe definitely took us out of our game and took our hearts a little bit. He made some tough shots, especially the first quarter."

Countered Felton: "He didn't take my heart. He had a great game. He was hitting a lot of tough shots. But nobody takes my heart."

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: I'm not going to make any jokes that relate to human anatomy in any way. Nor am I going to question the general relativity of pain thresholds. Instead, I will just tell you that STAT missed Sunday's game against the Nyets and is currently day-to-day with a sprained right big toe.

Said Stoudemire: "Getting this rest is gonna be phenomenal for myself to get myself back in top shape. I've been lifting weights and staying strong. It's gonna pan out."

The Miami Heat: I have only one thing to say:


Paul Pierce: 0-for-10 from the field and 0-for-5 from three-point range. It was the Truth's first game without a basket since December 13, 2000...just a few months after he was almost stabbed to death. However, it may be worth noting he had a sprained shooting hand and a foot injury that will require an MRI today.

Said Pierce: I'm just battling a couple of minor injuries today. I think that really explains my tentativeness in my shooting today. I told (coach) Doc (Rivers) that I really didn't have it today, but I just tried the grind it out. I sprained (the hand Saturday) and got it hit today. I've got to get the foot checked out (today)."

The Celtics better hope these injuries are minor.

Rajon Rondo: The kid sure had some funny moments yesterday:



The Jason Kidd triple-double was nice, too.

Big Baby: This is a perfect video representation of this weekend:


DeMarcus Cousins: "Cuz" didn't make his team's trip to Phoenix to play the Suns because of "an incident in the locker room." That that however you wish.

The Phoenix Suns: Didn't matter that Cousins missed the game, nor that Steve Nash (22 points, 18 assists) has amazing super powers. The Suns still lost to the Kings. At home. And, if you blinked, you probably missed the fact that Phoenix had actually crawled a game over .500.

Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "It's one of those losses that you are going to look back at and it's going to hurt."

Uh, it hurts right now, coach.

Sasha Vujacic, quote machine: This is a few days delayed, but Basketbawful reader Mark L. sent me this quote (via Ball Don't Lie), and it may be the greatest quote I have ever or will ever read:

"I know I can score 20 or 30 points anytime I want. But I'm not that kind of a guy. I want to win. I want to play the right way. Some games I'm going to get 10 shots, some games 15 shots; sometimes, especially coming off the bench, you're going to feel cold, and you need time to get in the rhythm. But right now, what I care the most is for us to become a better team. And we are really capable of doing that."

For the record, The Machine has scored 30 points exactly zero times in his career. He has scored 20 points six times in his career: Twice this season and four times during the 2007-08 season which, not coincidentally, was a contract year. But, still, he went his first three seasons without a single 20-point outing and then, after signing a three-year, $15 million deal with the Lakers in July of 2008, he went the next two seasons-plus without scoring 20.

But he could have done it anytime he wanted. He's just not that kind of guy.

Update! Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Jon-Michael:

Here's a gem from the weekend missed from the weekend's report.

Carmelo gives the old "atta boy" to...himself for handling the trade situation so well. Here's the quote and the source:

"I think it takes a strong-willed person, a strong-minded person, to deal with the stuff that I deal with and still go out there and go to work every day and perform on a nightly basis,'' the Denver forward said about trade rumors that have swirled all season as the Feb. 24 trade deadline approaches. "I take my hat off to myself for dealing with all this stuff that's going on and still be able to go out there and play at the high level that I can play at. I really don't think an average person can walk in my shoes. I don't think that."

Oh Carmelo, I take my hat off to you as well, except it appears you've taken care of that yourself.

CBS: Found this one via TrueHoop. And I get it: I used to have trouble spelling Scerbi, uh, Szcrebia, er, Szczrambia, whatever. You know what? "Random Dude" is fine with me.


Chris's weekend mega lacktion ledger:

Nyets-Bobcats: Johan Petro parlayed a board in 6:09 with two bricks and three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Charlotte's Nazr Mohammed made a free throw in 7:53, only to foul twice and lose the rock once for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Spurs-Sixers: Darius Songaila sang about a board in 3:58, but tuned out productivity twice with fouls for 2:1 Voskuhl. Meanwhile, Jason Kapono and Andres Nocioni went sewer-sweeping in 22 seconds as MARIO BROTHERS!

Heat-Pistons: Juwan Howard lost the rock in 3:23 for a +1.

Lakers-Knicks: Derrick Caracter contracted a single case of the airball flu in 3:02 for a +1.

Bucks-Grizzlies: Jason Williams returns to Memphis by losing the rock in 4:26 for a +1, the same suck differential that Hasheem "Second Overall" Thabeet gathered up in 2:03 via foul (and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl).

Suns-Jazz: Kyrylo Fesenko may have a new coach in Utah, but with two fouls countering two steals and a board for a 2:1 Voskuhl in 10:03, he still knows how to lack.

Bobcats-Hawks: Jason Collins had a perfect 100% shooting percentage (on one field goal attempt and two free throws) in 14:30, along with a board...only to lose the rock once and foul five times for a 6:5 Voskuhl.

Fellow dirty bird Damien Wilkins went six seconds of browsing the X-Play boards for a Super Mario!!!!

Knicks-Nyets: Despite an assist in 5:16, Johan Petro bricked and fouled once for a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Bulls-Hornets: David Andersen accumulated four fouls and two turnovers despite three boards in 13:28 for a 6:3 Voskuhl, while DJ Mbenga bricke and fouled once for a +2 suck differential in 3:02.

Mavs-Rockets: Patrick Patterson pressed one brick in 1:36 for a +1.

Pacers-Bucks: Jon Brockman had a monsterous pair of misses from the charity stripe for a +2 in 2:33.

Thunder-Purple Paupers: Nick Collison may have a nice +21 and two boards in 19:58...only to foul five times for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Sad Sacramento's Pooh Jeter bricked twice (once from the Tower Bridge) for a +2 in 7:07, while Luther Head fouled once for a +1 in 1:47.

Heat-Celtics: Joel Anthony augmented a board with two fouls in 21:02 for a 2:1 Voskuhl, while Avery Bradley played 9 seconds of WiiFit for a Super Mario!

Lakers-Magic: Luke Walton and Devin Ebanks each invested in a +1 suck differential, Walton earning his via turnover in 9:04, and Ebanks via masonry in 72 seconds.

Clippers-Craptors: Los Angeles's Ike Diogu dug himself a +1 hole in 3:10 via foul that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Thunder-Warriors: Oklahoma City's Daequan Cook fried up a foul in 4:31 for a +1.

Worst of the Weekend

Possibly the most appropriate sad bench ever.
The Atlanta Hawks: The Dirty Birds were coming off a road win over the Miami Heat. They had won 11 of their last 14 games. Things were looking up damn it.

Then...something terrible happened. We're talking catastrophic bawfulness. We're talking "penis caught in your own zipper" bad. We're talking about a 41-point home loss to the New Orleans Hornets. It was Atlanta's worst home loss since a 118-74 blowout by Phoenix on March 30, 2000.

Said Josh Smith: "You can't explain it. You have games like this sometimes."

Really, Josh? Really?

Teams don't get held to 59 points every day. In fact, the Atlanta Hawks had never been held belo 60 points. Their worse offensive output ever came in a 73-63 loss to the Cleveland Cavaliers on November 19, 1996. So Christian Laettner, Mookie Blaylock, Tyrone Corbin, Dikembe Mutumbo and Jon Barry thank you, 2010-11 Atlanta Hawks.

To find a worse offensive showing, you'd have to go back to their 62-57 loss to the Boston Celtics. When they were the Milwaukee Hawks. In 1955.

Here's more fuel to the fire of suck from ESPN Stats and Information: "The Hawks are the fifth team to score fewer than 60 points and shoot under 30 percent from the field at home in the last 25 seasons and the first since the Heat in 2001."

Atlanta shot 29 percent as a team. According to Basketball-Reference, they finished with an eFG% of 31.6 and an Offensive Rating of 69.1. According to Hoopdata, they were 10-for-22 at the rim (45.5 percent), 4-for-12 inside 10 feet (33.4 percent), 0-for-1 from 10-15 feet (zero percent), 5-for-24 from 16-23 feet (20.9 percent) and 4-for-20 from downtown (20 percent).

Congratulations, Hawks. You played The Most Bawful Game of the Year. So far.

The Toronto Craptors: To be frank, I would expect a winless weekend for the Craptosaurs when that weekend featured back-to-back road games in Orlando and Miami. And they didn't disappoint...with regards to providing bawful. On Friday night, they lost 112-72 to the Magic. Dwight Howard had 31 points and 19 rebounds.

Said Raptors coach Jay Triano: "[Dwight Howard] is good. We're not."

Added Andrea Bargnani: "We're playing bad. After every game, it seems like we played worse. We have to find a way to stop this and play better."

That didn't happen on Saturday night in Miami. Even though the cHeat were without Chris Bosh (left ankle sprain) and Dwyane Wade (migraine), the Craptors got shelled...by Mike Miller. Yes, the same Mike Miller who began the night having scored a total of 15 points on 21 percent shooting in 10 games so far this season, including zero points at home. He scored 22 of those points in the second quarter, setting a cHeat franchise record for points in that quarter.

Miller finished with 32 points on 12-for-20 shooting. He also grabbed 10 rebounds...matching the combined output of Bargs (a center) and Amir Johnson (a power forward).

Said Bargnani: "Kill me. For the love of God. Kill me."

Ryan Anderson, quote machine: Regarding teammate Dwight Howard: "Sometimes it looks like he's playing against high school kids out there. Actually, all the time it looks like he's playing against high school kids."

Dwyane Wade and LeBron James, quote machine: Because these belong in a post.

From The Other Chris:

Mind-numbing comments from D-Wade (emphasis mine):

We're not the Boston Celtics. We're not these kinds of teams that need to play together. We have guys that have the individual talent, and sometimes the individual talent, one-on-one ability is going to take over. Boston has more of guys that have great individual talent, but they feed off each other. We're a new team and we're still figuring it out.

You don't need to play together? Unlike, you know, any and every great team in the history of team sports?

From stephanie g:

LeBron on his post game:

"I spent a lot of time on it this offseason. Once I made the decision to come here and realized we had a low-post threat, I kind of backed off a little bit. ... With [Chris Bosh] being out, I can go back to it. I just have to dust it off a little bit. It's no problem."

Because obviously when Bosh plays he hogs all the space around the paint and no one else can post up and...wait.

"Even with Bosh, the Heat have been among the league's least-productive teams in low-post scoring. Miami ranks 29th among the league's 30 teams in points in the paint, averaging just 34.9 points a game."

Oh lawd.

The Utah Jazz: What...the...frick.

Talk about a craptastic four-game stretch for the Mormon Musicians. It started with back-to-back road losses to the Wizards Generals and Nyets. Then, on Friday night in Boston, they were whacked around piñata-style by the Celtics. On Saturday in Philly, Utah fell behind, tried to mount a comeback, and then had their rally turned back by a five-point play (Andre Iguodala was fouled on a made three-pointer, Iggy missed the free throw, and Elton Brand tipped in the miss).

Said Jazz taskmaster Jerry Sloan: "We've lost our focus. I think we're feeling sorry for ourselves."

More bad news: Utah's five-game road trip finishes up on Tuesday night against the Lakers in L.A. Considering this team's history of being overwhelmed by L.A.'s size, this could get ugly. Well, uglier.

Deron Williams, excuse machine: He scored season-low five points against the Celtics, going 1-for-4 from the field and ending a streak of 48 straight regular-season games of double-digit scoring.

Said D-Will: "I was ready to get out there and play today. If I could have just got a chance, maybe could have done something. But I didn't have a rhythm early. Two quick fouls -- two quick calls, I should say -- took me out of my game and I really couldn't recover."


The Houston Rockets and Indiana Pacers: Two bad teams. Two winless weekends. I'll give you a few seconds to recover from the shock. You ready? Movin' on then...

(Okay, okay, I wouldn't be me if I didn't talk about how the Pacers suffered "The Rain of Death" this weekend. Indy built a 16-point lead against the Frail Blazers in Portland, but Nicky Batum drilled five treys, including four straight in the fourth quarter as the Blazers rallied for the win. The Pacers then helped the Denver crowd fall back in love with Carmelo Anthony, who hit a career-high six triples...all in the third quarter. Said 'Melo: "Man, I mean, they just kept leaving me open. The 3-ball was falling. I've been looking for the 3-ball for about a month and a-half now." Anthony is shooting 30 percent from beyond the arc this season. Just sayin'.)

The New York Knicks: I kept saying their schedule was going to catch up with them. It took a little longer than I thought...but it's happening. And this winless weekend was a perfect example.

Weekend loss number two came against the Spurs in San Antonio. The Bricks were held to 92 points on 37 percent shooting. Amar''''''e Stoudemire led the Clank Parade by going 8-for-25 from the field.

Said STAT: "Got to win a game. That's all it is, We're fine, we're fine. We're in a slump, but we'll be all right."

That game they had to win? It didn't happen Saturday night in Oklahoma City. Thanks to this:


Wow. Only Mike D'Antoni could put Danilo Gallinari and his career Defensive Rating of 112 on Kevin Durant one-on-one with the game on the line.

Make it six losses in a row. And the Knicks are suddenly a mere one game above .500.

Raymond Felton -- who went 0-for-3 in the final 48 seconds, including a missed layup with 31 seconds left -- said: "I'd rather get beat by 15 points than get beat like that. It's always a tough loss when it's a game-winner like that."

Speaking of Felton...

Raymond Felton, excuse machine: "They did a good job of contesting shots. I just missed some. I missed some shots. A couple times I went to the basket, it could have went either way with the calls. You know how that goes, but whatever."


The Cleveland Cavaliers: Another winless weekend. Shock. Surprise. Shock. Quick summary: The Cavs shot 38 percent in a 14-point home loss to the Bucks.

Said Cleveland coach Byron Scott: "We have to play harder. We have to play smarter. And, we have to be tougher. That's the bottom line."

They were tougher Saturday night against the Bulls in Chicago. But they still shot 32 percent in a 13-point loss.

Said Scott: "Those guys in there are disappointed. I'm very pleased with the way we played. We played with heart. But as much as we needed to play as hard as we did tonight, it's still nothing. You still lose the ballgame."

Speaking of losing ballgames, the Cavaliers have now 16 in a row and 20 straight on the road. They are now one road loss away from tying the franchise record. And if they don't win tonight in New Jersey...uh oh. Their next three road games are in Boston, Orlando and Miami.

The Washington Wizards Generals: Playing at home against the Suns, the Generals built an 11-point lead after 12 minutes...

...but finished down 18 after 48 minutes. And John Wall took it pretty hard.

Said Wall: "Oh, yeah, it felt like a road game. We didn't have no heart. We didn't have no fight. We just gave up pretty quickly. It was a three- or four-point game when Channing Frye went off for five or six 3s in a row that changes the whole complexion of the game."

Well, not quite. Frye hit four of the Suns' six threes in the third quarter. But he did finish 7-for-11 from downtown. Way to get a hand in his face, Generals.

Steve Nash, Tweet machine: From Dan B:

This series of tweets from Steve Nash just a few minutes ago made my day:

If, and only IF, u can make our game tonight in Detroit I'm giving away 2 tix to the 1st person to name my favorite bball player growing up.

Interestlngly mostly Pistol Pete's, then Isiah, Magic, Stockton, Jordan and a handful of......Ostertag? Clowns.

The Sacramento Kings: Anybody remember this?


Well, I guess Moped just loves tormenting the Paupers. Case in point:


I probably don't need to tell you that Sacramento went on to lose in overtime, right? Mind you, they led 99-90 with three minutes to go.

Said Beno Udrih: Same old, same old. We got lackadaisical."

Added Ellis: "We knew they [were] going to let us back in it."

The Kings have lost seven of eight and are a Western Conference-worst 9-32. Three of those seven losses have been in overtime. It's their second OT loss to the Warriors this season.

Paul Westfail, coach of the year candidate: "We had some great stretches. It's just a crying shame that we decided to stop playing together at the worst possible time."

The Charlotte Bobcraps: The Hawks were playing on the road the night after losing by 41 points at home. What's more, they were without starters Al Horford (sprained right ankle) and Marvin Williams (back). This couldn't end well. And it didn't...

...for the Bobcraps.

Gerald Wallace missed his first six shots and finished with 7 points on 2-for-9 shooting. Stephen Jackson had 10 points on 3-for-14 shooting. Charlotte fell behind by as many as 19 points and lost 103-87. And Tuesday begins a five-game road trip. Note the Bobcraps are 5-14 on the road.

Said S-Jax: "Obviously, this would have been a good win to go on the road trip with, but other people had different ideas about it."

Uhm...what?

The Phoenix Suns: The Suns had won five in a row and the only thing standing between them and a return to .500 was a night in Auburn Hills.

The result? An epic stink bomb in which they held the Pistons to 75 points on 35 percent shooting and lost anyway. Phoenix led by as many as 15 points but got outscored 28-13 in the fourth quarter.

Their failure was more historic than you know. According to the AP recap, it was the first time in franchise history the Suns lost when giving up fewer than 80 points. They had been 62-0 under those circumstances.

Stat of the game: Phoenix gave up a whopping 25 points off 14 turnovers.

Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "With everything that went on in that game, we still would have been OK if we don't turn the ball over."

Ah, but you did, coach. You did.

The Boston Celtics: Fuckin' seriously?


Said Wall: "I knew it was going to hit backboard, but I thought it was going to be a hard brick. It could've broken the backboard. Luckily, it went in."

Added Celtics coach Doc Rivers: "Let's just say that was the basketball gods punishing us for the way we played."

Regarding the way they played (via the AP recap): "The shot was probably what Boston deserved after it blew a 16-point, first-quarter lead. The Celtics shot 68 percent in the first quarter but 33 percent for the rest of the game. They went especially cold in the fourth quarter, shooting 5 for 23 and scoring their lowest point total (11) for any quarter this season."

Ugh.

Shaq and The Drain: As an anonymous commenter put it:

Shaquille O'Neal, C DNP SORE RIGHT KNEE
Jermaine O'Neal, C DNP SORE LEFT KNEE

Together they are an oft injured kneeless O'neal.

*Surprised face*

Flip Saunders, quote machine: "I think tonight you should give us a road game because there were more Boston people here than Washington. So we're 1-20."

The San Antonio Spurs: After his team scored a 75-71 victory over the Kings back on November 21, Hornets coach Monty Williams proclaimed that his team's 11-1 record might be fool's gold. New Orleans went on to lose 15 of their next 25 games. Now they've won eight in a row for the second time this season...

...and I'm not sure exactly what it means.

The streak started with a win over the Nuggets as Carmelo Anthony (3-for-11) appeared to be melting down in response to all the trade rumors surrounding him. Then they came away with back-to-back overtime wins over the Magic and Rockets. Then came three close wins over sub-.500 teams (Bobcraps, Craptors, Care Bears), the last of which was a one-point victory in OT. And although those wins were potentially scoffable, what can you say about how they beat the Hawks and Spurs by a combined 65 points on back-to-back nights?

The Hornets held the Spurs to 12 points in the first quarter and then outscored them 31-10 in the third. New Orleans led by as many as 31 points and Williams got to rest his starters in the fourth quarter.

Said San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich: "New Orleans played fantastic defense -- physical, physical, well-executed defense. When you combine that with fine shooting, you're in for a hell of a night. They were wonderful."

Pops then humped a game program with Chris Paul's face on it.

Added Williams: "We can't be satisfied. I know everybody is going to be talking about how the Hornets beat the best team in the league and making a lot out of that, but we haven't beaten Oklahoma City in the regular season or the preseason. We have to maintain our focus and our discipline."

Not sure why the Thunder are Monty's measuring stick. But, hey, what do I know?

Update! Dirk Nowitzki, unintentionally dirty quote machine: From the examiner.com via DOH: "Brook is a handful down there. He's so long, he's a good player. He made some good plays down there at the end."

Update! Rashard Mendenhall: Uhm...uhm... (via AnacondaHL):


Chris's weekend lacktion ledger:

Suns-Generals: Yi Jianlian chaired a brick factory in DC tonight, producing two rectangular pieces of masonry in 5:40 for a +2.

Bucks-Cavs: Jon Brockman had a monster night for Milwaukee, with a foul and turnover in 1:46 for a +2 (and a 2:0 Voskuhl).

Rockets-Grizzlies: Jared Jeffries borrowed a Virtual Boy from Clutch the Bear for 22 seconds to earn a Mario.

Knicks-Spurs: Tiago Splitter divided his attention between Mario 64 and Tetris for a 27 second Mario, despite a board.

Lakers-Nuggets: Melvin Ely made one assist in 8:18, only to lose the rock once for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Kings-Warriors: Luther Head bricked once in 2:12 for a +1, while East Oakland's Brandon. Wright fouled and lost the rock once each for a +2 in 2:59.

Hawks-Bobcats: Matt Carroll went into lacktion wonderland with a brick in 6:11 for a +1.

Celtics-Generals: Trevor Booker shockingly read one tale of suck in 4:26 by missing a field goal attempt.

Jazz-Sixers: Jason Kapono captured a castle in 52 seconds for a Mario, while fellow Sixer Tony Battie bricked once in 7:15 for a +1.

Pacers-Frail Blazers: Sean Marks marred his menagerie of stats with a brick, foul, and giveaway in 1:39 for a +3 that also earned a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Warriors-Clippers: Charlie Bell rang up 4 seconds of Wii time for a Super Mario, while fellow East Bay resident Brandan Wright wrote a space symphony in just 0.8 seconds on Mario Paint for a SUPER MARIO GALAXY!!!!!

A little worst of the weekend

Does anybody else hear John Lennon singing when they look at this picture...?
The Toronto Craptors: Status check: The Extinction Lizards have dropped 16 of their last 21 games, with the five wins coming against the Pistons (13-26), Nyets (10-30), Mavericks (minus Dirk Nowitzki), Cavaliers (8-32) and Kings (9-29).

Back-to-back games against the Pistons and Wizards Generals (11-27) provided the Craptosaurs with the chance to get a rare win before an ugly four-game stretch in which they play the Hornets, Spurs, Magic and Heat...all on the road.

First up: A home game versus the Pistons...who were a mere 3-17 outside Detroit. Those three road wins came against the Clippers (during their 1-13 start), Kings and Craptors (uh oh). And...


Second up: A roadie against the Generals...who had lost 15 of their last 19. Their most recent loss was to the Timberwolves (10-31) and their three wins were against the Bobcraps (15-23), Pacers (16-21), Nyets and Kings (in OT). And...


Now, in all fairness, Leandro Barbosa injured his right hammy against the Pistons. Jerryd Bayless missed the Generals game with a sore left ankle. And of course Sonny Weems, Peja Stojakovic and Reggie Evans were all out.

Said Jose Calderon: "We knew it was only going to be, like, seven or eight players we had out there. We knew we'd have to play a lot of minutes. We played good for a long time. Maybe at the end the legs didn't respond as well as we needed to."

Still, missing players doesn't explain giving up a season-high 22 points to Knee Mac or letting Nick Young light you up for 18 third quarter points, Jose.

Added Toronto coach Jay Triano: "In a back-to-back where we have so many guys hurt, our margin for error isn't very good."

Everything about your team isn't very good, Jay.

The Milwaukee Bucks: That whole "Fear the Deer" campaign keeps feeling further and further away, doesn't it?

The Bucks actually managed to shoot better than 39 percent and scored over 90 points for a change. And they kept it close against a Sixers team that began the night 0-7 in games decided by four points or less. Oh, and Philly was coming off back-to-back losses against the sub-.500 Pistons and Pacers.

Unfortunately, Milwaukee -- currently ranked 6th in Defensive Rating at 102.7 and 11th in Opponents eFG% (48.8) -- let the Sixers finish with an O-Rating of 113.6 and an eFG% of 62.7. If you want the raw stats, Philly shot 57 percent from the field and 7-for-14 from downtown.

Said Bucks coach Scott Skiles: "We played pretty good offensively, but couldn't get anything going defensively."

Like the Craptors, the Roadkill Deer are understaffed, missing Michael Redd (left knee injury), Brandon Jennings (left foot surgery) and Carlos Delfino (concussion). But that doesn't change the fact that they're 14-23 and 11.5 games back in a division that a lot of people thought they were going to win.

The New Jersey Nyets: After their winless weekend -- including their 100-88 defeat by the Lakers in L.A. and a 96-89 come-from-ahead loss to the Frail Blazers in Portland -- the Nyets have lost five in a row and 10 of their last 11.

After choking up a 13-point lead in Portland, New Jersey coach Avery Johnson screamed: "WE HAD A PRETTY GOOD FLOW FOR 3 1/2 QUARTERS OF THE GAME, BUT WE'VE GOT TO FIGHT THROUGH THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL FATIGUE ON THE ROAD IF WE WANT TO BE A GOOD TEAM."

A "good" team, Avery? Your squad would have to make some serious strides to work their way up to "just below average."

A quick status check (at Basketball-Reference) shows us they rank 29th in PPG (92.2), 28th in Offensive Rating (101.2), 27th in Pace (89.7), 21st in Defensive Rating (108.7). More telling, they rank 29th in Expected W-L (11-29) and 30th in attendance (224,768).

The Charlotte Bobcraps: Speaking of winless weekends, the Bobcraps -- who entered the weekend 6-2 since Larry Brown was sacked by Michael Jordan -- saw their dead coach bounce get bounced. First came a loss to the Celtics, who were sans Kevin Garnett, Jermaine O'Neal and Kendrick Perkins. And with Paul Pierce limited to 25 minutes due to foul trouble, Doc Rivers turned to...Shaq.

The Big Creaky responded with 23 points on 10-for-12 shooting as Charlotte "held" Boston to 52 percent shooting and an Offensive Rating of 116.7.

The symbolic play of the game: Big Baby stuffing Tyrus Thomas on a dunk attempt:


Said Bobcraps coach Paul Silas: "Mentally we've got to come with it a little bit more. It's a mental game. That's what I told those guys -- 90 percent of it is mental and we are just not there yet."

They weren't there on Saturday night, either. Despite playing at home against a Hornets team that played an overtime game in Houston the night before and didn't arrive in Charlotte until around 6 a.m. EST, the Bobkittens found themselves in a dogfight that got a little too dogfighty when Tyrus Thomas tried to force-feed Emeka Okafor an elbow sammich:


Said Silas: "He hit him. ... What they saw was correct. We just can't have that at the time, we just can't. We're right in the ballgame."

Thomas was ejected. The Hornets got two shots and the ball. Okafor hit both freebies and then David West drew a foul and converted both 'throws. Suddenly an 81-77 Hornets lead was 85-77 with just over two minutes to go. Game, set, match.

Even tho' Tirade Thomas' hijinx killed any hopes of a comeback, it didn't help that Stephen Jackson (5-for-15 and 2-for-7 on threes) and Gerald Wallace (5-for-13 and only 3 boards) spent most of the night bitching at the officials instead of, you know, playing basketball.

Said Silas: "There's just too much nonsense going on out there as far as going after the referees and all that kind of thing. It's like I told the players, 'You didn't see [New Orleans] going after the referees.' Why? Because they understand, 'My job is to go out and play the game and concentrate on those particular things.' We just aren't there yet."

Sepaking of "not there yet"...or ever...

Kwame Brown: From Basketbawful reader Fishy:


The Dallas Mavericks: We're not done talking about winless weekends yet. Now, I can understand a Dirk-less Dallas team falling behind by 24 points and losing 101-89 to the Spurs in San Antonio. I get that. It makes sense...in addition to dropping the Mavs to 2-7 minus Nowitzki. Still, the fact that the Dallas starters notched only 34 points in defeat was a little ominous.

Sure, enough, the Mavericks' starting five accounted for only 26 points in an 89-70 loss the the Grizzlies in Memphis. The Care Bears lead by as many as 23 in this one...despite the return of Nowitzki. The Mavs shot 32 percent and Dirk finished with as many technical fouls as field goals (2). His ejection happened during Dallas' 12-point third quarter. Which basically ended the game.

Sad fact: Ian Mahinmi scored more points off the bench (17) than Dirk, Brendan Haywood, Jason Kidd and DeShawn Stevenson combined (15).

The Cleveland Cavaliers: And now comes the saddest winless weekend of them all. The Cavaliers -- many of whom were put on suicide watch after last week's 55-point loss to the Lakers -- suffered their 18th and 19th straight road losses in Utah and Denver, respectively.

Cleveland gave up 70 points in the first half of a 22-point loss to the Jazz. Utah shot 53 percent, registered 32 assists on 47 field goals, and, at times, looked like the freaking Globetrotters out there:


Things got even worse the next night in Denver. The Nuggets scored a season-high 80 points in the first half and built a 39-point lead before settling for a 127-99 win. Cleveland lost Mo Williams in the first quarter due to a left hip flexor strain...and they were already without Boobie Gibson (ankle), Anthony Parker (lower back), Anderson Varejao (ankle/foot), Joey Graham (quad), Leon Powe (knee) and Christian Eyenga (ankle).

So make it 23 losses in their last 24 games. But at least seven of the eight players they had available scored in double figures! Yeah!

Bonus giggles from stephanie g.:


The New York Knicks: Sure, they went .500 on their four-game Western Conference road trip, dropping a 109-87 decision to the Lakers and then losing 131-125 in Utah. But they were coming home to play an 8-28 Kings squad...

...that left New York with a 9-28 record.

It was an ugly loss, too, with New York's high-powered offense managing only 83 points on 31 percent shooting. STAT had sizable double-double(25 and 13) but went 6-for-22 from the field. Raymond Felton went 2-for-15 and Wilson Chandler was 4-for-14. The Knicks missed 10 shots at the rim, went 5-for-22 from inside 10 feet, 1-for-6 from 10-15 feet and 1-for-13 from 16-23 feet.

Did I mention Beno Udrih lit the 'Bockers up for 29 points on 11-for-14 shooting? And, yep, the New York crowd booed their team.

Said Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni: "We just didn't have it -- everybody."

The Miami Heat: LeBron was out with a sprained ankle. Bosh sprained an ankle during the game and had to miss the entire fourth quarter. Dwyane Wade went into Beast Mode but got out-Beasted by Derrick Rose and then cock-blocked by Kyle Korver's crazy triple. Watch for yourself:


Now the Heat have lost three in a row and would have to win their next 40 straight to reach 70 wins. During their recent three-game slide, Miami has given up 113.3 PPG while letting their opponents shoot 50 percent from the field and 42 percent from downtown (according to ESPN Stats and Information).

Karma. It's a bitch, huh?

Now, I want you to watch Bosh get injured:


Would you believe that Bosh actually got all bitchy about Omer Asik diving for that loose ball? Showing hustle and desire to win? The RuPaul of Big Men does not understand such things.

Said Bosh: "C'mon, that is how guys get hurt, that is how serious injuries happen. You've got to watch people's legs. I know guys want to hustle and everything but we all want to play and provide for our families and have a job. We all want to be healthy and that is very important. If it is by somebody's leg, don't dive for the ball, it's too close."

Oh. My. God. I knew Bosh was a huge flapping vajayjay, but I had no idea just how much that vajayjay did flap. I believe that kind of flapping is usually reserved for creatures that can take flight.

The Los Angeles Lakers: What a Sunday. Bears win. Tom Brady and the Patriots get their asses handed to them. And the Clippers beat the Lakers.


And because AnacondaHL kinda demanded it:


Good times.

As if the loss wasn't humiliating enough, Lamar Odom got his pink princess ballet panties in a bunch and tried to take Blake Griffin's shirt off:


Said Odom: "Maybe I overreacted, but I just feel like if you're up 9, a ram in the back at that point? Any other time, I get it. You play hard, you're strong, whatever, but the ram in the back [while] up 9? I don't get it, so I'm just going to have to react."

Replied Griffin: "Whatever happened, I didn't say anything, I didn't take a swing at anybody, I didn't push anybody. When Baron came in, I grabbed him. ... There's never a situation where I'm not going to go to the glass. I would think of all people, [Odom] would know that."

B-Dizzle thinks the Candy Man was just, well, being a bit of a bitch.

Said Davis: "He plays with a chip, and at the same time he plays with a tenacity that a lot of times people, they misread that -- especially veteran guys. Veteran guys don't like being shown up, so like tonight I think Odom got a little frustrated because Blake wouldn't stop competing and pushing him, so he kind of lost his composure. That's what a lot of veteran guys do. They try and ground him. They try and frustrate him, but he continues to bring it."

If anything, Kobe was on Griffin's side.

Said Mamba: "[Going for the rebound with a nine-point lead] is just the right thing to do. You've got to play all the way through. You play until the final buzzer sounds. It's as simple as that. That's the way I grew up playing. That's the right way to play."

Then the shot at Pau Gasoft.

Said Bryant: "I think Lamar just had to make a stand, because up to that point, Blake ran through Pau. It wasn't nothing personal. Blake just ran through us, and we didn't have anybody who was going to put up a stand. I think that kind of turned the tide. ... We just didn't put up much of a fight."

As for the officiating...well, look, I understand why Odom got the boot, and I even understand why Davis got the early exit. But Griffin and Artest? For what exactly?

Said Phil Jackson: "I have no idea how they make their decisions -- whimsically, I think."

Chris's Weekend Lacktion Ledger:

Bobcats-Celtics: Semih Erden earned five fouls alongside one missed shot in 8:24 for a +6 and a 5:0 Voskuhl, while Von Wafer crunched out one brick from Fanueil Hall with a foul and giveaway for a +3 in 7:42.

Mavs-Spurs: Dallas's Alexis Ajinca added two fouls and a turnover to a field goal and steal in 11:33 for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Cavs-Jazz: Kyrylo Fesenko improvised a foul and two lost rocks despite hitting a pair of boards in 3:09 for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Frail Blazers-Suns: Armon Johnson hammered out a 17 second Mario, while Zabian Dowdell delivered the Suns an assist and steal in 34 seconds...not long enough to remove his Game and Watch and avoid earning his own Mario!

Clippers-Warriors: Jarron Collins jacked up a foul in 2:14 for a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, the same statline East Oakland's Ekpe Udoh managed in 4:02.

Nyets-Lakers: New Jersey's Ben Uzoh undid the lock card that prevented him from playing Robodemons on his Famicom, activating his Game Genie after 37 seconds for a Mario. Los Angeles's Derrick Caracter also did some repair work on his NES, despite a board, by blowing on his cartridge slot 33 seconds for his own Mario.

Craptors-Generals: Cartier Martin unpacked his Game Boy in just 21 seconds for a Mario.

Mavs-Grizzlies: Hasheem "The Second Overall Dream" Thabeet assisted on one bucket in 4:15, only to foul thricely and brick once for a 3:0 Voskuhl.

Magic-Wolves: Earl Clark used sleight of hand to make 1.35 trillion (1:21) appear!

Cavs-Nuggets: Melvin Ely elicited a field goal and three boards in 28:43, but lost the rock twice and nearly fouled out for a 7:5 Voskuhl.

Nyets-Blazers: Quinton Ross got lost on his Paperboy route after 42 seconds of biking to earn a Mario.