Bawful After Dark: December 29, 2010

Mike D'Antoni prepares to play the Cowardly Lion in the team's production of The Wizard of Oz

Ready for another night of terrible games? Yeah, me neither. Let's watch embedded videos to ease the pain.

A big thank you to the guys at The Basketball Jones for sharing this clip someone submitted to them with the world. This is one of the greatest videos ever. Stan van Gundy hates Turkoglu!

Ball.

Want to see the best thing Rick Reilly has done in a decade? Watch as he dunks on a Pop-a-Shot.

It's like the world's lamest episode of Jackass

Something I learned today from this article on Yahoo! about bogus celebrity health tips: Alex Reid is fantastically misinformed.

One of the highlights for SAS was a tip from cage fighter Alex Reid, who told The Sun tabloid newspaper in April that he "reabsorbs" his sperm to prepare for a big fight.

"It's actually very good for a man to have unprotected sex as long as he doesn't ejaculate. Because I believe that all that semen has a lot of nutrition. A tablespoon of semen has your equivalent of steak, eggs, lemons and oranges. I am reabsorbing it into my body and it makes me go raaaaahh," he said.

Raaaaahh.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

This is what it looks like when Brian Cardinal gets meaningful minutes of contributory basketball

Getting a little personal there, Derek

Okay, now I like this Duncan Face

"Do I need to introduce your face to the back of my hand"

Nationally Televised Games:
Jazz at Clippers, NBA TV, 10:30pm: According to ESPNResearch, "NBA off to best regular season start ever. ESPN & TNT ratings up over 30% from last year." And yet thanks to college football bowl season, ESPN is not airing any Wednesday or Friday night games this week, and the only national game tonight is a goddamn Clippers game on NBA TV. Way to say "thanks fans," NBA.

All The Other Games:
Warriors at Hawks, 7pm: Golden State is on a three game winning streak. What? No. That's not possible! There must be a mistake! Oh, wait, they played the Purple Paupers, Frail Blazers, and 76ers? Nevermind.

Pacers at Wizards Generals, 7pm: Yes, Washington sucks. But Indiana has dropped 6 of their last 8, and all losses were double-digit ass-whuppins, including their most recent thrashing from a short-bench injury-riddled Celtics team. The interest level in this game is somewhere between "watching a Chia-pet grow" and "staring at the back of your eyelids."

Cavaliers at Bobcraps, 7pm: We got a dead coach bounce last game from the Bobcraps. However, consider the laws of physics. That first bounce is always the highest. It will bounce less every time. Good thing they get to take advantage of playing a woeful Cleveland team who will be happy to just get the hell out of Ohio for a few minutes.

Celtics at Pistons, 7:30pm: Some good news out of Boston.

Lakers at Hornets, 8pm: So Kobe's "pissed [mad]" at himself. Does that mean he won't take 30 bajillion bad jumpers in this game?

Nuggets at Timberwolves, 8pm: The Timberpups are riding a two game winning streak, and Carmelo won't be playing in this game. Ruh roh.

Nyets at Thunder, 8pm: The last time these two teams met, we were treated to a triple overtime finish. I really, really, really doubt that we'll see that again in this game.

Heat at Rockets, 8:30pm: Thank God Houston has a basketball team to root for, because their football team is just downright depressing.

76ers at Suns, 9pm: You can't tell me you aren't excited that Vince Carter might make his Phoenix debut in this game. Wait, strike that. You can tell me that you don't care and I'll believe you.

Grizzlies at Kings, 10pm: This game is almost as stupid as this guy.

Bawful After Dark: December 20, 2010

Constipation: It's Serious Business
Uka pointed this out in WOTN comments:

So Marc Stein is not basketbawful reader. Not surprisingly given the nature of this blog and the fact that Marc Stein is the huge NBA player ass-kisser

"Not sure if he's the first to say it, but the new nickname for Roy, Oden & Co. spotted in John Canzano's column in the Oregonian -- Frail Blazers -- rings as harsh as it is true. Just like Jail Blazers from another era to forget."

How disappointing. I don't claim that we invented the nickname, since I'm sure 800 other people have used it at some point or another (it's so obvious!). However, how can you be that out of touch, Stein? I called him out on Twitter -- we'll see if he responds.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"Mmm... Snuggle fresh..."

"Why did I take this job again?"

"And why did I take this job again?"

If I had to guess which game would have a picture like this...

I guess the phrase "For Nothing" is implied in that poster?

"Been awhile since I celebrated, don't remember how, gotta concentrate..."

Nationally Televised Games:
Mavericks at Heat, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Just a reminder: the last time these teams met was the "LeBron bumps into Spoelstra" game. Revenge game possibilities, anyone?

All the Other Games:
Magic at Hawks, 7pm: Hey Orlando, I'm truly sorry, but I have to say it: Ball.

Jazz at Cavaliers, 7pm: The Jazz have gotten into the "zig-zag" pattern that Vegas sharps love to bet in the playoffs. Win one, lose one. Win one, lose one. Do they not realize they have a few months to go before it's even time for the playoffs? Anyone looking for a last-minute Christmas gift for the Jazz, get them a calendar.

Hornets at Pacers, 7pm: Let's just say this game isn't giving me the itch to order NBA League Pass.

Bobcraps at Wizards Generals, 7pm: All right, Washington. You finally got rid of Gilbert Arenas' awful contract! And in return you got... Rashard Lewis' likewise awful contract and five to seven fewer points per game. Hurray? Well, less chance of gun-related arrest action, so you've got that going for you, which is nice.

Suns at Spurs, 8:30pm: When I first saw the news about the Suns/Magic trade, I was disgusted. Then the more I thought about it, I began to convince myself maybe it's not the end of the world. They're not a championship contender this year anyway. Why not get rid of Hedo and his contract for any other warm body? Plus, Pietrus's catch-and-shoot threes are a good fit and maybe he can play some defense, and Gortat could give them the inside presence they need if he can handle playing lots of minutes. And Vinsanity's an expiring contract from what I understand, so maybe that won't be too bad? Am I just delusional and lying to myself at this point?

Bucks at Frail Blazers, 10pm: We have officially reached the point where it's nearly impossible to come up with new ways to say "the Blazers are a goddamn trainwreck of injuries."

Rockets at Warriors, 10:30pm: Good news, Houston fans! The Rockets have won seven of their 10 games this month. Bad news? They're still three games under .500 at this point. If they were in the Leastern conference, that wouldn't be so bad. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Timberwolves at Clippers, 10:30pm: The Clippers have stopped being who we thought they were for a brief time, and are riding a two game winning streak. National media begins referring to them as "surging" in three... two... one...