Bawful After Dark: January 24, 2011

"I'M A MIME TRAPPED IN AN INVISIBLE BOX -- OH, DAMMIT, I FORGOT TO BE QUIET AGAIN!"
Sorry for the lack of BAD posts last week -- I felt (wait for it...) bad.

Hey, why are you throwing tomatoes at me?

To make up for the absence and the horrible pun, here's an unbelievable moment in Sports Man Love history:

Footbawful at its... finest? Yeah, finest.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"Ta da!!"

Justin Bieber was at the Hawks game where they sucked like nothing has ever sucked before. How appropriate.

Jeff Foster is enjoying this a little too much...

Ray Allen and AK47 get better acquainted

Nationally Televised Games:
Wizards Generals at Knicks, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Now that scheduling has self-corrected the Knicks' record, they're in danger of dropping below .500 -- lucky for them that the Generals are also in danger of not winning a single damn road game this season.

Kings at Frail Blazers, NBA TV, 10pm: The Purple Paupers have lost their last 7 games by 7 points or less. At least they're kind enough to keep things somewhat close for their fans, right?

All the Other Games:
Cavaliers at Nyets, 7pm: Speaking of teams that have no concept of how to win away from home... The last time the Cavs snagged a road victory was back in November against, yes, the New Jersey Nyets.

Pistons at Magic, 7pm: Allow me to remind of what went down back in December when these two teams last met: Pumaman, Jameer Nelson, and JJ Redick were all out with "flu-like symptoms" (that miraculously seem to actually truly be related to the flu). And yet Orlando still won easily, and in fact had their best shooting percentage game of the season. Rip Hamilton should be happy he's not being associated with this suckfest right now.

Suns at 76ers, 7pm: If there's one thing the Sixers do well, it's shut down the trey. Their opponents are averaging just 31.4% from downtown. The Small Ball Suns loooove to shoot the three. Something's gotta give. Here's a hint: the Sixers have only one win when allowing more than 100 points this year, and guess who that was against.

Grizzlies at Craptors, 7pm: Be ready to see lots of ugliness around the basket. The Grizzlies are averaging an NBA-best 49.1 points in the paint. The Dinos are too busy being extinct and rollerblading down stairs to play any defense at the rim, and are allowing a league-worst 48.1 points in the paint per game.

Also, this picture is likely the most bawful thing you will see today.

Thunder at Hornets, 8pm: The Hornets have been playing out of their friggin' minds on defense lately. Is this just more fools' gold, or have they finally figured out something?

Bucks at Bulls, 8pm: The Bulls have a nasty habit of letting sub-.500 teams hang around and even beat them. But they've still reached the 30 win mark a full month earlier than last year. I'd say Thibodeau was a nice upgrade over The Notorious VDN, wasn't he?

Rockets at Timberwolves, 8pm: Actual line from the STATS LLC game preview: "The Timberwolves (10-33), who play five of seven at Target Center, are a respectable 8-12 at home." What? A .400 record at home is respectable? Man, the bar is really getting lowered in Minny.

Spurs at Warriors, 10:30pm: The last Spurs game saw them battle through their worst offensive effort of the season. So get ready for the absolute opposite of that tonight. The Gol_en State Warriors, everyone!

Bawful After Dark: December 6, 2010

"HOT DAMN! IT'S ALMOST BIRDMAS TIME."
Really pressed for time today, sorry guys. Gotta keep it short.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:
Caption This!
What the hell is going on with Jose Calderon?

I'd have a headache too if I lost to the Knicks

Nationally Televised Games:
Hawks at Magic, NBA TV, 7pm: Yes, the Magic just lost to the Bucks. But thanks to a flu bug, they only had eight active players available for that game. Howard, Redick, and Pietrus are expected to play tonight. On the other hand, the Hawks are missing Joe Johnson who will be just a $123.7 million benchwarmer for the next four to six weeks. Advantage: Orlando.

All the Other Games:
Craptors at Pacers, 7pm: Coach Jim O'Brien on the Pacers' attitude after dropping back to the .500 mark: "We're not a happy group right now, nor should we be." Jeez. It's not that bad, Emo Pacers. No need to start wearing skinny jeans with studded belts, getting bad haircuts, and listening to The Smiths and The Cure.

Timberwolves at Knicks, 7:30pm: As has been noted by some of you recently, the Bricks are perhaps closer to being just the Knicks at the moment. Amar''''e is playing like he actually cares (what a novel concept!) trying to impress potential future teammates while reaffirming his alpha dog status as The Man. I am frightened and confused by this reality. How long until Zeke swoops in and mucks things up again?

Thunder at Bulls, 8pm: When I stepped outside today into sub-20 degree weather to scrape ice and snow off my car, I started to think "well, it could be worse. I could live in a place as boring as Oklahoma." But then I remembered they have Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook. I have... no NBA team. Damn it all.

Heat at Bucks, 8pm: Even with the Bucks beating a severely depleted Magic team to snap their streak of failure, their shooting is still as cold as the ice I just mentioned that's all over my car.

Grizzlies at Jazz, 9pm: You know, I'd honestly rather go prepare for Birdmas by watching some Larry Bird highlights on Youtube than care about this game. Can you blame me?

Kings at Clippers, 10:30pm: And we end the night with ineptitude in basketball form.