Bawful After Dark: January 31, 2011

Jim O'Brien waves goodbye to showing up on this blog for the rest of the season
Last day of January, and one more step toward warmer weather, which means players on crappy teams are already thinking about getting new grips for their golf clubs. They'll have plenty of free time come the playoffs.

Courtesy of The Onion, here's some invaluable advice for Shaq (audio NSFW). (h/t Jonah Keri)


You mean a diet of bacon and Krispy Kremes won't help someone lose weight?

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"Yeah, my balls are big... they're so big, I have to sit on the bench most of the game"

"JJ, don't tell the guys, but I'm making a Taco Bell run at halftime. You want anything?"

"Aww man... I wanted some Taco Bell too, Coach!!"

"Damn, something stinks! Must be my vagina again"

The kind of action you would expect from a Grizzlies/Sixers game

Sad Cavs bench photos are starting to remind me of the Sad Nyets bench photos from last year...

Nationally Televised Games:
Nuggets at Nyets, NBA TV, 7pm: Could we see an owner-level revenge game?? The Prokhorov is upset with how the talks fell through and Carmelo isn't going to be donning a Nyets uniform any time soon. Will he find a way to motivate his players to crush the Nuggets and Melo in response?

Of course I'm just talking out my ass and this game is fairly meaningless and will probably be boring. Unless, naturally, you choose to play the Melo in NJ Drinking Game! (Note: this blog is not responsible for any potentially fatal alcohol poisoning you may suffer by participating)

All the Other Games:
Craptors at Pacers, 7pm: Dead Coach Bounce alert! Dead Coach Bounce alert! They're gonna bounce like the rollerblading Craptors' mascot's face bounces off the floor.

Cavaliers at Heat, 7:30pm: I think we officially can stop caring about Cleveland revenge games against LeBron James, right? I mean, 20 consecutive losses (TWENTY!!!) should pretty well obliterate those thoughts.

Magic at Grizzlies, 8pm: The Care Bears are sitting exactly where I expected them to: just barely south of the .500 mark. This somehow feels appropriate and right, doesn't it?

Wizards Generals at Mavericks, 8:30pm: As noted by ESPN's Jon Buccigross: "Cleveland carries a 20-game losing streak and 23-game road losing streak into Miami tonight. the Wizards take 0-23 road record to Dallas." It's kind of sad that the Cavs streak diminishes the attention the Generals deserve. This is an impressive level of sucktitude that should be recognized. And that's why we're here. You're welcome.

Bobcraps at Jazz, 9pm: Deron Williams is banged up, and the Jazz are in the middle of a severe funk. Losses to the Generals, Nyets, Sixers, and Timberpoops in that stretch, and most recently they only dropped 81 on Golden State. The Warriors! Isn't that rock bottom??

Bucks at Clippers, 10:30pm: The Bucks have regained some credibility and are riding a 3-game winning streak. The Clippers are on a 13-7 run. What alternate universe have I stepped into??